Monday, December 31, 2012

You aren't going to believe this

Last night at 1:30 am - so technically this was December 31, 2012,  I woke up with a pounding sinus headache.  It was behind my left eye and it was the type of pressure that seems to shift when you move your head.  At 1:45 my husband rolled over and started to make some moves on me.  I had to do it - I had to respectfully decline his advances.  I just told him that I had some terrible sinus pressure and asked if he could hold off for a few hours.  He was fine with that.

I didn't feel any guilt, didn't feel like I rejected him, but saw the irony of having to break my resolution on the last day.  I think I would have cried if I tried to suck it up and go for it.

In any case I am cashing in my one get out of jail free card and calling this resolution a massive success.

Tomorrow I will hand the computer over to my husband - direct him to the blog and let him at it!  I think I may even create a user id for him so that he can comment if he wants - and I do hope he wants to.  I am curious to see his take on the past year, whether he noticed any changes, does he feel the need to defend himself when I have called him out for things out here where he had no way to stand up for himself, does he have any other feedback that I missed.

Before I do all of that I will do a 'wrap up' post on the good the bad and the ugly of the year 2012!

Hope you have a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebration!


Saturday, December 22, 2012

A good day - and it isn't even noon yet

Yesterday was a pretty hectic day.  It was the last day of school before the winter break and both of my little guys had parties in their classrooms.  I spent the day in the 3rd grade with my youngest doing crafts and plays and having a potluck lunch.  After school we went ice skating at the outdoor rink - it was 49 but was windy and freezing.  We toughed it out for 2 hours and aside from the chapped lips it was really fun.

When we got home my husband and I headed off for a goodbye dinner for some friends that are moving out of town.   We got home around 9:30 and I went straight to bed.  Unfortunately I didn't have the most restful of nights as one of my clients decided to deploy some new software into production prior to running their nightly payroll.  This isn't my software but they called me at 1:00 am to try to figure out what they did wrong.

Disaster was averted and payroll was back on schedule by 1:30, but then at 4:00 my 8 year old had a nightmare and crawled into bed with us.  At 7:45 my oldest left for class and I woke up with the sinus headache from hell.  I took some medicine and crawled into my 8 year old's bed so I could get some more sleep.

Here is where the day starts to get good.  I slept until 10:15.  And got up to my entire family (minus my oldest who was still at class) cleaning.  Yes cleaning.  The bathrooms are clean, the foyer is clean, the bar and exercise rooms are clean.  The carpets upstairs are done.  The beds are made.  What would have taken me hours to do was done in less than an hour with no bitching or nagging from me.

Everyone else is headed out to see the Hobbit this afternoon.  I am headed out on my annual shopping and wrapping girls night out.  This is a sleepover event.  We shop and happy hour.  Then we wrap, wrap and wrap.  Normally we rent a hotel room and sit in the lobby of the hotel by the fire in our pajamas and laugh and wrap and drink until about 4 am.  Slight change of plans this year as one of our friends has a brand new house that she is living in alone - we are headed there to take over her living room.  She is not fully moved in yet so no furniture just a few women a few beers/bottle of wine, and a lot of tape and wrapping paper.

Life is good and I am taking a minute or two to appreciate all the blessings that I have.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


I usually have some idea what I am going to write about when I sit down.  Today I am just procrastinating, I should be working and just can't get into it.  So I will write about whatever comes to mind.

First, I am sick, which sucks.  It came on pretty quickly yesterday afternoon, sore throat and coughing that hurts my lungs.  Hopefully it leaves as quickly as it arrived.  I have a fun weekend planned and want to be able to enjoy it.

Second, shootings in schools.  I have done my best to stay away from the coverage, not because I am not heartbroken for the victims - those that died and those that survived and their relatives, but because I know that all the media coverage leads to some other unstable person planning something that will make them famous.  Publishing and glorifying this individual leads to others that would probably still hurt themselves or someone else to plan an attack like this one to be remembered for their terrible actions.

Third, sex has not been great this week. Lots of late nights for me including getting several middle of the night calls.  So I am tired.  My husband has a cold that makes him all snotty and which makes him slightly less desirable to me.  I want to take care of him but not in that way.  I didn't deny him, and he didn't ask.  We also had one night where neither of us was in the mood because we had a little disagreement earlier in the day.

We did have sex this morning - I really didn't want to, I was so tired.  I took night time cough medicine last night and snuggled up on my husbands chest and he rubbed my back while I fell asleep.  I know he wanted sex, but I fell asleep.  So this morning we had sex, but I admit to being half asleep and not making much effort.  I have to wonder if that is why my husband wasn't able to finish.  If I had made more effort and been more of a willing partner would he have had his happy ending.  Anyway, it was a no go for him so he got into the shower, I went back to sleep.  After his shower he wanted to try one more time, so we tried again, slightly more effort on my part this time, still I wasn't totally into it.  Still no happy ending.  So my husband thanked me for my services, and I am serious here he did say thank you, and he went to work.

As I sit here now I wonder, what part did my not saying no but not really saying yes have to do with this?  I'm not a guy but I still think he was happier going off to work having tried than not.  And I have to come to grips that I won't always be able to say 'YES!'.

Okay - 20 minutes until my first meeting of the day - time to get back to real life.


Thursday, December 13, 2012

I may have created a monster

It took him almost the entire year but something clicked last week and I think my husband is finally really in tune to the fact that I am not saying no.  There has been a ridiculous amount of action.

Thursday there was morning sex and bedtime sex.  Friday there was bedtime sex.  Friday into Saturday there was middle of the night sex, morning sex and bedtime sex.  Sunday there was bedtime sex.  Monday there was morning, noon and night sex.  Tuesday there was morning sex.

Morning sex is almost a given now - we missed out on that this morning because I had a client call at 3:45 am to get help with a payroll issue.  I was back in bed by 4:30 but my husband didn't try to wake me up.

He has the day off tomorrow so I am thinking there will be some daytime activity on the schedule for tomorrow.  In fact I should probably go create a 'meeting' in my calendar for that right now.


Monday, December 10, 2012

Because you said yes...

We have a pet rabbit that free ranges in the yard and lives in his pen at night.  This rabbit decided a few weeks ago that he was not going to ever let us shut the door to his pen - when he heard or saw you coming he ran out - and that rabbit is FAST.  I personally saw this rabbit chased out of our yard by a fox that came in one morning looking to feast on one of our free ranging chickens.  My neighbors just love my little petting farm.  We thought the rabbit could probably outrun the fox but when it didn't come back we figured he lost that race.

Well apparently he was just out exploring the woods, he showed up again this week camped out under the female rabbits pen.  Our female was in heat and the male was back to get some.  So we put out some hay, some food and an animal friendly trap and this morning we caught that rabbit.

I called my husband and he offered to come home and get the rabbit safely out of the trap and into the pen

He got home at 1:00 and I was in the middle of a meeting.  All my meetings are tele-conferences so I put them on mute and went out to help with the rabbit.

As we came back in he followed me back to the bedroom - I'm totally lazy and often work in bed under the covers.  He asked if he could get some action before heading back to work and what do you think the answer was?  I said yes - and he was already standing there with his pants at his ankles, his man parts standing at attention.

I asked him why he was already ready to roll and he replied "because you said yes."  It is just that easy.

And we are in for another triple play - as we had a morning session, a little afternooner and it's early and I'm not working tonight.

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Promises Promises

It has been a really busy week as my clients are getting ready for year end processing.  I haven't had much time to post.

Life around here has been really good.  The house is decked out for Christmas, lots of homemade gifts under the tree from the little boys.  We have two trees, the traditional tree upstairs and the man tree downstairs.  The man tree is in our bar and it has a garland of shotgun shells and all of the ornaments are sports related down to the Broncos Santa style hat that tops it.

Weekends have been fun as our teams are having a great football year.  Our favorite college team is number 1. Notre Dame is in my blood, my parents met and married there.  So that is cool to watch.  Our Denver Broncos are on a roll as well, I'm a Bronco fan by marriage - my kids have been born and raised Bronco fans.

Sex has been really good as well.  This morning I was inspired to write this post as it has been something that  I have thought of posting before but when it happened again this morning I figured it was time.

My husband loves to tell me what he is going to do to me later.  He usually approaches me somewhere in the house, pulls me in and tells me exactly what he intends to do that night.  I don't think he realizes that I take that seriously and that when it doesn't happen I am disappointed because I have looked forward to it all day.  Usually we don't follow through because he falls asleep - and a lot of the time it isn't his fault, if something comes up at work I have to deal with it - and if he falls asleep waiting for me I don't wake him.  He would follow through if I woke him.

That happened yesterday - I got caught by a work emergency and didn't crawl into bed until 1.  This time I crawled into bed naked and snuggled up.  He woke right up and made good on his promise.  The next morning he left for work nothing out of the ordinary.  Last night after dinner he said to me "I wanted to fuck you before I went to work this morning but I didn't have enough time."  He went on to say that for some reason he felt like he wanted to have sex 3 times in a day because that used to be so normal and he felt like as he got older it might become less possible - he figured 1:00 am, 7:00 am and then tonight.  So I told him we could certainly set our sights on making that happen tomorrow.

Last night I was pretty tired but told him to wake me up when he came to bed.  I was asleep before he came to bed and if I hadn't woken up naked I would swear that what happened in the middle of the night was a dream.  I think I woke up at least partially once but when I think about it now it is more like a dream than something I participated in.  Now I didn't just lie back either - what I do remember is being on all fours which would require at least some effort on my part.  All is good as it was a good 'dream' so it must have also been a good experience and the best part is that I obviously went right back to sleep - no doubt with a smile on my face.

This morning at about 9:00 I heard my husband get up - brush his teeth and lock our door.  I figured this was round 2 of 3 I could expect today.  I was still in a sleepy state as he crawled back in bed and checked his email.  I figured he would wake me when he was done.  Next thing I heard was him unlocking the door, I must have fallen back asleep as it was 10:30 at this point.  I didn't open my eyes - I just said "you made a promise that you were going to fuck me in the morning - lock that door and get back over here".  So he did. I also took this opportunity to tell him that when he makes promises or threatens to do something to me 'later' I expect that he will follow through and when he doesn't I am disappointed.

So it is 2:19 now and I figure we will no doubt get 3 in, heck I know we are old but it is early and 4 is possible too.


Saturday, December 1, 2012


So I am feeling a bit unmotivated today, so I figured I would do a quick post before I get off my ass and clean the house.

I was thinking a bit more about my motivation for keeping this resolution a secret.  I haven't told anyone about it except anonymously here in the blog world.

Initially the official reasons were:

  • If my husband knew he would be very tempted to dare me to have sex with him in some inappropriate places or situations.  
    • I will say that I trust my husband and he respects me - he would do this jokingly and expect me to say no, I need to make sure that this was not about how far I would go to keep the resolution and more about living up to the promises I made when I married him.
  • This was a change in me and I didn't want my husband to have to change anything
    •  I am not sure if this holds water, but could it be that I didn't want him to feel like the pressure was on him more now to perform?  Who knows what I am thinking sometimes.

I think now that there were some unofficial reasons:
  • I've never actually kept a resolution for an entire year.  Thinking back now I was probably subconsciously protecting myself and allowing that out if I failed.
    • I did keep one resolution but it almost feels like it doesn't count because it isn't daily and it is fun - one year I resolved to get back into sports by joining teams, that was 14 years ago and I still play on various sports teams.  But this isn't a constant thing that I feel like I had to work at daily.
  • I think that if I told him and then there was some annoyance or disagreement I could actually use the resolution as a tool or weapon and decide to take it away.
    • Wow isn't that bitchy, I'm not sure I would but that I could even think about it now is really repulsive to me.  I think sex is a powerful force in a relationship and can be used as incentive and can be held back as punishment or some sort of power struggle.
  • If I tell him I will never refuse him, will I feel rejected if he isn't after me all the time
    • This is a thought I had yesterday while I was responding to a comment on my last post.  This one is pretty scary for me because as I have said this resolution will continue for the rest of my life.  So I better get some realistic expectations and be ready for 2013 and beyond.
  • Its fun to have a secret
    • This secret blog and my secret dedication of myself to my husband I think it makes things more exciting.  This makes me feel a bit guilty and question my motivation, fortunately I am pretty good at debate and can get myself past it.

We are in the home stretch of this secret resolution, today is December 1st so only this month left.  Then he gets to read - and I may even make it into a book for him.  I hope that he wants to take a blog adventure with me.

I am considering what my resolution for 2013 should be - let me know if you have any ideas!

By the way I have a nice view as I sit in my nice warm house of my husband out in the cold cutting down trees and then cutting them up and clearing the debris.  He really loves his chain saw - bet he doesn't know that while it scares me when he uses it - it is also quite sexy. 


Wednesday, November 28, 2012

In Response to a Comment

A few days ago I posted Acting Like a Silly Girl and the following comment from a new reader.  I started to reply and got long winded so I decided to make it a post.  This is a great chance for thanking all those that share their thoughts via comments.  Doesn't matter if you agree, disagree, or smack me on the head and tell me I am off base, all of it leads to more discussion and a chance for me to learn and hopefully make positive change.  So the comment is in blue with my thoughts/response in red.

Just saw this blog for the first time. I LOVE it. Great concept - deliberate, conscious CHANGE. Thinking a new way, on purpose.   

Here's another thought: if he was run over by a truck just after you had _The Talk About the Trashed Leftovers_, would you be all like, 'wow, I'm glad I got that off my chest, now he will have to deal with his unconscious hostility to my food choices when he travels through the tunnel to the Being of Light like they all talk about',   The talk went like this, " I'm sorry that I got upset yesterday when you threw away my food.  I was disappointed to not have the food but then got upset because it made me feel like you sometimes don't pay much attention to what I like.  I always look forward to that particular dish."  His response, "I'm sorry".    I wouldn't have any guilt and I'm sure he wasn't feeling angry either.  The point to talking to him is not to make him feel bad, it was to explain my reaction (or overreaction).  This is something we have talked about many times, he loves me I don't doubt that and I realize how lucky I am to have that, BUT he doesn't take an interest in me the way that I make an effort to take an interest in him.  I knew that going in but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt my feeling sometimes.  

or would you feel a little more like 'wow, I could have found a way to say yes to him more thoroughly in that situation, now I won't have the chance...'    Well I was mad, and knew that in a way I was overreacting.  I didn't want to have a discussion about it while I was angry and overreacting.  If he would have wanted sex I would have said 'Yes'.  But I am not sure how I could have said yes to him more thoroughly in the moment unless I was to thank him for saving me the calories.

Is it my imagination or are the commenters who backed you up on this ("You're not being silly at all. It hurts") all women?     Two are women, the third is anonymous so I am guessing yes.  I was actually expecting a little more harsh treatment - especially from the male readers.  I wasn't fishing for support, but I'll take it.  I was venting because where else but on an anonymous blog can I reveal how silly I feel about being upset by something so trivial.

I'm a guy. I can't help wondering, whose fault is it that he didn't know you wanted that food? Did you ever tell him ?
Based on your anecdote, I think not? Why is he supposed to know without being told?   Ah you are wrong here - we have specifically talked about this because he doesn't care for it, It is too sweet for his taste.  So I can say without a doubt that we had this conversation on more than one occasion, usually when we discuss the Thanksgiving menu.    Now is that info something that I absolutely need him to remember, not really, I never said I was rational.  I should tell you that he is not one for remembering dates, names or whether I like green peppers (he is always messing that up).  In fact he forgot my name the first time we had sex.  This was 4 months after we met and I like to believe that he had temporary memory loss because the sex was so great.  He was trying to pull my name, and I was thinking "wow, I'm gonna marry this guy" - how funny is that.

Compared to all the marvelous qualities he has (he sounds like an awesome husband, from your description), how important is this issue that you want to tell him how he let you down by not intuiting your love of this dish?  I don't want to repeat myself too much.  He is wonderful on many levels, but is also really bad at some things.  This was less about the particular offense (throwing out food I love) and more about the fact that we have talked about that I love this - more than once and it didn't stick.  That hurt my feelings because it makes me feel like he didn't make the effort.  I get to have hurt feelings, I get to express why I was hurt, I don't get to be mad for days, I don't get to hold it against him.  I wan't PMSing so I can't blame that, I don't remember being upset or tired either, just rubbed the wrong way - it happens to the best of us.

Why would you keep a secret of the Mrs. Yes project but make sure that he knows you are irritated and hurt that he innocently threw away your favorite food?  I get to keep a secret for of the Mrs. Yes project because I think of this as a change I am making, it is in a way a gift to him.  I feel, and I could be wrong here, that I get more out of it and make a truer deeper change by not putting  it out in the open.  I really think that if I told him that I was trying to never reject him it would actually be easier for me to find ways to reject him.  Boy that is really screwed up logic, and I guess I will report back in January about whether keeping this as my secret would have made a difference.  In 2013 and for the rest of my life I will be Mrs. Yes, it is a life time change.  I will not only not say No - I will say Yes!!!    I make sure that he knows about my reaction the other night because it is not fair for me to behave that way without explanation.  I didn't blame him for anything, there was no attack, just a calm statement..  

You said earlier that he is a highly skilled, insightful counselor (at work!) but oblivious at home. I wonder if he just wants to relax at home and not be 'on'.  That is a certainly possible, but is it fair?  In a long term relationship it is okay to relax sometimes, but not okay to decide not to give your best effort.  I think it is more that it is easy to analyze others and harder to analyze yourself.  But my degree is in computer science so that is my unprofessional opinion.

I wonder if your view of him as 'oblivious' is maybe just an eensy bit... projecting? Okay so he is the counselor not me, I'm not totally up on projecting.  But I do know that he would rather ignore and hope it goes away.  He does not want to talk things out with me.  This makes it very hard for me as I end up talking and he stares at me, or leaves.  It isn't the healthiest way to deal with conflict.  Fortunately for us there isn't a lot of conflict, we are a pretty good match.

Keep up the great work!  Thanks I will.  Glad you found me, hope you come back and we can have more insightful conversations.  Hopefully from the rest of the blog entries you can see the total me, I'm not as ridiculous as that silly girl, but once and a while she comes out and I have to own her!

Monday, November 26, 2012

Acting like a silly girl

Okay so I am not happy tonight and it is for the most ridiculous reason.  I know that I am being silly - but you know what, these are my feelings and I am entitled to them as long as I recognize how silly they are.  I can have a me moment as long as I realize that it must be short lived, can't really impact my family or work and as long as I can put it in perspective.

Now on the perspective scale this is a minor irritation.  You are going to laugh at me - heck I am laughing at me.  My husband threw away my favorite thanksgiving leftover.  I went to get a snack tonight and it was gone.  I asked him and he admitted that he threw them away because he didn't think anyone was eating them.  He only threw this away - everything else is still there.

Well yeah - I was disappointed that my food was gone.  But I was really upset that my husband had no clue that this was something that I loved.  Something that my sister made for me every Thanksgiving.  Something that I only get once a year.  That is what made me unhappy.  Now I didn't yell, or cry, or whine.  I did pout a bit - but I was working anyway so it was a good cover.

I know what he likes, I know what will make him happy, I make it my business to know.  He doesn't make that effort.

I know he isn't built that way, I know that isn't him.  But it still sucks for me.  So I get to pout in my own little world.

So now it is time to get over it - tomorrow when it is not so raw (yes still being purposely ridiculous here) I will let him know that I was a bit hurt and insulted that he didn't realize that I loved that particular dish.  I think he can be both alpha and aware.  Just like I am supposed to be a mother to his children and then turn around and satisfy all his sexual needs.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Things to be Thankful for

So a few days behind - but I don't reserve counting my blessings and being thankful for a single day of the year so it is cool!

I am thankful for:

  • A good strong marriage - 22 years so far
  • A husband that still finds me sexy, still makes inappropriate comments, still makes an effort, still makes me feel young
  • A healthy sex drive
  • A husband that satisfies my healthy sex drive
  • Kids that are deep sleepers
  • A partner that knows all my annoying imperfections and loves me anyway
  • My desire to be a better wife, mother, person - it is a work in progress but I am so thankful that I can see the things that can and should be better

I am thankful for:
  • My beautiful, respectful, responsible, motivated children - all 4 of them most of the time
  • My annoying, whining, lazy children - all 4 of them some of the time
  • My good health and the good health of my family
  • Homemade gifts from my children (the little boys have made homemade Christmas gifts for everyone this year - can't wait to see them)
  • Christmas lists that don't break the bank, my oldest asked for a t-shirt and hat, my daughter for 3 books.  These are 19 and 17 year old kids, with friends that are quite spoiled.  I love that they recognize that the holiday is not about getting a lot of expensive trinkets.
  • Christmas lists from my boys that still believe in Santa
  • My job that allows me to work from home and make a very good living while putting my family first
  • College scholarships that make it possible for us to send our kids to great schools
  • Kids that get good grades so that they can get college scholarships
  • Friends that love me
  • My freedom
I am thankful for:
  • My blog - the free thinking space 
  • Comments that encourage me
  • Comments that point out when I am wrong
  • Comments that tell me to stop bitching and get something done
  • Other bloggers that share their intimate thoughts with the world

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Flash back Monday

So as I mentioned in my last few posts the bedroom has been used mostly for sleeping the past few weeks.  I was out of town, then came that 'time of the month', then my husband was sick.  We were 3 for 14, which really sucks, but it happens.  Then there was Monday.  We were 3 for 3 on Monday - it was like we were 18 and 21 again.

See when I was 18 and my husband was 21 were were newly dating and living 400 miles apart.  We had no cell phones, no computers and he had no phone in his barracks room.  So we wrote letters via snail mail and saw each other about once a month.

When we did see each other there was a lot of sex.  Yesterday was like that.  There was sex in the morning, my husband woke me up before he went to work, which is good because I think I would have been cranky yesterday if I had to go another day.  Then last night we snuggled up and had some really good, intense, take your time and do it right sex.  The kind I have been craving.  Then guess what - we did it again.  The third time was actually the best, more intense, hot and with purpose!

For those of you that are old like me, and have been with the same person for 25 years, 3 times in one day is pretty good.  Especially when it is quality AND quantity.  When even after you are fully satisfied, you can be that aroused again by the same old person you have been with for what seems like forever.  To be able to get hot and bothered right on the heels of an awesome sexual experience and rally to take it to another level, that is something I will carry with me.

I slept like a champ and now I sit here and wonder if the after effects of our sessions yesterday has my husband thinking about me the way it has me thinking about him.


Saturday, November 17, 2012

Something else I've learned

2012 has been a year of learning all kinds of thing about my sex life, the way things work in my marriage and in me.  It has been a ton of fun and I think well worth the time.  I also think that it is a great thing to analyze and be aware of all the factors that play into and impact my sex life.  That said I also need to be careful to keep that analysis out of the bedroom, my mind should be totally focused on the act when engaged in said act.

So - it has been a VERY slow sex week.  My husband has been very sick.  It is some sort of virus that has him hacking up crap and having uncontrollable coughing fits.  Now in our marriage this is usually me, I have terrible lungs, damaged from radiation treatments from when I had cancer.  Throw some asthma on top of that and I am often coughing up crap and having trouble breathing.  I will say that this week he has taken this to a new level, w have been drugging him at night so he can sleep.

So for me, I really want sex, but I really don't want anything to do with the coughing icky mess that is my husband.  Fortunately for me he is so sick that he is not making any advances or even hinting a little bit that he would like to give it a go.  So I am doing my best to get him the rest he needs so he feels better and can get back to satisfying his marital duties!

As I was laying in bed last night - after he had passed out, I realized that I had stumbled upon another difference between my husband's sex drive and mine.  My sex drive is not just driven by how much I want sex, it takes into account the state of my partner.  My husband on the other hand, his sex drive is not impacted by the coughing, wheezing, snotty mess that I often am.  He wants sex even when I am an absolute mess.  Now he will at times let me sleep when I need it - but that is for my benefit not his.  That is him saying 'she needs rest, I will catch up with her tomorrow' - not 'she is just too sick and it is turning me off'.

I think this is much more global than just my marriage, there are parallels here that might be interesting to explore - but I have a 5th grade science project that I have to oversee and help put the final touches on so that exploration will have to take place on another day.  For now my sick husband is snuggled up watching a movie and has a day of being catered to while he watches college football.  Hopefully there will be at least some maintenance sex tonight.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

My face is up here...

Alright - so maybe it is a girl thing - maybe not.  Last night my husband went straight for the kill - and I definitely said "My face is up here."  

So I was able to slow the roll and redirect the activities, everything worked out quite well and he was allowed to move in for the kill eventually.  

Some days I am fine with the approach he tried to take last night - but I wasn't really feeling it last night.  At first I had this little internal dialogue going on, but that was so 'the old me'.  Last year I would have just been disappointed, now I just spoke up.  

Tonight I will move in for the kill - and I will bet that my husband will not indicate that his face is up there.  Anyone want to take that bet????

Monday, November 12, 2012

Happy Veterans Day

The kids and husband are off again today in celebration of Veterans Day.  My husband is a veteran, we met while he was in the Marine Corps.  I spent a little over 3 years as a military wife.  It is not an easy life and I respect all that serve and the sacrifices that they (and their families) make.

I don't remember Veterans day being a big deal when I was growing up - I'm not sure if I was just clueless or if it really has come back into fashion in the last 20 years due to the increased activity that our military has seen.

My husband served from 1984 to 1993, and basically for him between 84 and 90 there was really no danger of seeing any action.  He was deployed to the first Gulf War in 1991 and returned in 1992.  Things cooled off a bit and then after 9/11 our military has seen a lot of action.  I am not going to say that I agree with all of the decisions that have been made by our military leaders but I support our men and women on the ground.

At the same time I recognize that military action always results in death and injury.  That there are innocents killed, homes and lives destroyed on both sides of the conflict.  It is very sad.

In any case I am pleased to see that Veterans get the recognition and thanks they deserve.  For all of those that protest military actions - please take today to thank a veteran for the right to protest!  I love the irony in that.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

The new me and what I should have called this blog

So two things today.  First, back in February I was new at this and it was all very exciting.  I was seeing change and facing challenges.  That was when I first started to see how this change was effecting my sex drive. My sex drive has always been there, but never at the same level as my husbands.  I think that is because I didn't allow myself to go with it.  I didn't make sex one of my priorities.  If something had to go sex was expendable.

With my resolution I made sex a priority.  Initially for my husband and my marriage.  It has now become a priority for me.  It has made me aware of my sex drive and allowed me to include that on the things in life that are important and help to bring happiness and contentment to my life.

Again I don't want to sound like a crazed sex machine, but I do think about sex several times a day.  I think about when, where and how.  It is totally normal to me now so it is less of the 'wow' factor I was seeing earlier in the year, this is my new norm.

I am the 'scheduler' of most things in for our family and now as I schedule I think about sex and how that will be impacted.  For example on Sunday morning my husband was up early to go to a football game, everyone else was still asleep - including me.  When he came in to get dressed I woke up and reminded him that I was leaving to go out of town in the afternoon and would be gone for 3 days.  I suggested that he come back to bed and take care of business - which he did.  I think his sex planning is really on a day to day basis.  He thinks about that morning, afternoon or night.  I am now making sure that we cover the bases around the rest of the schedule.

Second thing.  I really think I missed the mark when I named this blog.  I am not sure why it took me so long to realize it.  I got my name 'Mrs. Yes' right but the blog itself - I screwed that up.  You see this effort is more about saying yes than never saying no.  While there are definitely days that your partner will take someone that doesn't say 'No' - what they really want is for you to say 'Yes!'

I would say that I am 99% yes and 1% not saying no.  It is just more positive and exciting to say yes.  To have full buy in that not only am I going to let you have me, but I am going to participate.  I am going to initiate and fully commit to your needs and my needs.


Saturday, November 3, 2012

Some thoughts on the blog world

I have really enjoyed blogging - it is like having this other group of friends that share really intimate things, offer great insight and for the most part don't judge.  Blogs also offer the freedom of being somewhat anonymous.  I share things on my blog that I don't share with my closest friends.  In fact until Jan 1, 2013, I am sharing things here I haven't shared with my husband.

Blogs give me views into lifestyles and viewpoints that I never knew existed.  I don't agree with all of the choices folks make and there are many that I can't imagine taking part in, but I love to learn about them and I can respect that if it works for someone and makes them happy then it isn't my place to judge.

I feel more worldly and aware.  I love that others are sharing so that I can discover what is out there. 

In short - I'm glad you all found me and I really enjoy discovering your view of the world.  Thanks for the adventures!

Just so you know - it is 9:33 and I am getting ready to stick the kids in bed and call the husband up to bed.  I am headed out of town tomorrow and I need to make sure that I leave him in a good mood and counting the days until I get home.

Friday, November 2, 2012

A close call

Yesterday was a busy day and as I closed my computer at 11:00 my husband was in bed watching a movie. I fell asleep watching with him, I was in that state of sleep where I could hear things going on, I was in and out - but totally didn't have the energy to open my eyes.  I heard my husband turn off his movie and get ready for bed and I had a moment of panic.  I was afraid that he would want sex, and I honestly didn't know if I could wake up and I really really didn't want to.  I don't remember anything else until I woke up at 3:30.

I've mentioned it before and I will say it again, there was no need for me to worry last night.  My husband doesn't need to bother his exhausted wife, he knows that there is no danger of his needs and desires not being met.  He can let me sleep.  Now that doesn't mean I'm not woken up in the morning, which is fine as that is after a good nights sleep.

So tonight I will make sure to do something special for him - starting hopefully with a happy hour date, some costume shopping and then some alone time tonight.

Have a great weekend!


Thursday, November 1, 2012

Scored some points this morning

I woke up this morning to my husband crawling back into bed with his very cold hands and assorted other very cold body parts.  It was 6 am and it was cold.  I score wife points today for sending my husband off to work with a smile on his face and hopefully thinking about me all day.  With any luck we can have a repeat performance tonight with me slightly more awake.

Yesterday marked my daughter's last field hockey game - ever.  She will miss playing and I will miss watching her, but she is growing up.

Yesterday was also Halloween.  We had great weather and a great time.  I think the kids went to at least 50 houses - and got to visit with friends and neighbors we don't see very often.  We didn't even get one trick or treater at our house.  We live in a neighborhood that is mostly older folks - nobody ever comes to our house.

I have a Halloween party and wine tasting to attend on Saturday.  I'm taking suggestions for costumes and I am headed out to the Halloween store for ideas and bargains today!


Monday, October 29, 2012


No school today and likely no school tomorrow.  And we are the lucky ones - only heavy rain so far.  All my kids are safe and warm in the house.  Hopefully our biggest concern will be whether the direct tv loses signal.  I see a lot of complaining from folks about over reaction and it is just a little rain, I say just relax and do your best to get through what hopefully passes us by without incident.

For those of you on the coast and to the north - stay safe!

Had a great weekend, starting with getting to spend great time with a childhood friend and attending my 25th HS reunion.  I am from what used to be a very small town and most of the people I graduated with were also in my kindergarten class.  It is always good to catch up with those folks.  Then there are the few that I was very close with.  I lived at the local beach with a group of friends during the summers when I was 16 and 17.  I am not sure what my dad was thinking - a bunch of teenagers totally unsupervised - we had such a good time.  I got to spend the night with these guys and it was like I was 17 again.  These are the people that you don't need to maintain contact with - you can't just go right back to where you left off.  Hopefully we don't wait another 5 years to connect again.

I spent the night there and woke up bright and early to get home for my youngest son's football game at 9:00 am.  They won!!!  He played every down, got very dirty and I could see him actually skipping around out there between downs.  I knew he was having a really good time.   It was a very exciting overtime win and a great way to end his season.  

That afternoon I got to help my daughter get ready for the homecoming dance.  She looked absolutely beautiful and went with a group of 21 of her closest friends!  I was allowed to take the pictures and then they went out to dinner and the dance.  She spent the night out with some of the group that went to the dance.

My 10 year old also won his game - they ended the season with only 1 overtime loss.  In this game he made 3 tackles in the backfield on the last 3 plays of the game.  He was very excited. 

My husband worked his ass off this weekend.  He had the kids on Friday night while I was out with my HS friends.  He got my son to the game and stayed for the first half.  Then he had to leave to officiate 4 football games that my oldest usually works, the oldest was doing his official college visit.  He had a break that happened to be at the same time as the 10 year old's game so he got to watch that.  Then he went back to officiate 2 more games that night.  He basically worked from 10 until 10.

He was up and out the door by 8:00 on Sunday to officiate 4 more games.  Then when he got home he got up on the roof to make sure that the gutters were clean and ready for the rain that Frankenstorm would bring.

No complaints from him - except his knee is a little sore.  He just silently picked up the slack for me and my oldest this weekend so we could go have fun.  He was rewarded with sex on Sunday morning - with a little special treat thrown in, and more sex on Monday morning.  Although he may have been rewarded with that even if he hadn't been such a team player this weekend.


Friday, October 26, 2012

Out of the Slump

So you will be pleased to know that I feel like we have officially broken out of the boring, maintenance sex slump.  Which has me of course spending much more time thinking about and anticipating sex.  It all goes together.  When in the slump you might think about sex but not in a great way.  The thoughts run more to how long has it been, I'm too tired for it, blah blah blah.

When sex is good the thoughts are - what we will do, how often, can we fit some in before work?

So nice to be in a good sex place right now.

Tonight is my 25th High School reunion.  It is not a big event, we are hitting the homecoming game and then the local bar.  My husband is staying home with the kids and I will leave this afternoon to make the 2 hour trip.  My former neighbor and one of my closest friends is going with me - she is 2 years behind me but we spent our teenage years hanging out so she is the perfect date.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Paying for College

There was a comment on my previous post about paying for college and what our plan was.  Did we do any education savings accounts - did we expect the kids to help pay.  I started to reply and it got rather long winded so I decided to make it a post instead.

First of all - I am no wizard with my money.  If I have it I spend it - so I only keep what I absolutely need to pay bills and survive available to me.  All the rest gets stocked away into retirement or stocks.  I use the stocks when I need to pay for a large purchase.  As I mentioned in an earlier post we are off credit cards so only real money gets used.  The last of the credit cards will be paid off in February.  So we have payments on the house and one car (which will be paid off next September).

As far as school, my father offered to pay for mine, but at the time I was engaged and had been working full time for 2 years and I decided I should pay myself.  Now this was easier at the time.  I started at East Carolina University in 1990 and paid $365 a semester, I think books were more expensive than tuition.  So I was able to get through school without any loans.

When I graduated I got a job and my husband went to school.  It was more expensive, I think about $2000 a year by then (1994) but we again were able to do it without loans.

We are so fortunate to live in the great state of Virginia - there are so many really good state schools, they range in cost from $13,000 to 21,000 a year.  Which when you look around is a pretty good bargain.  We always told our kids that they had to pick one of these.

When it came time for my son to head off to college he applied to 9 schools and was accepted at 7.  Then he decided to stay home at community college.  He didn't know what he wanted to study so this seemed like the better plan.  Tuition is abut $1600 and books about 800 - so again no loans as we paid this out of pocket.  He is graduating after 3 semesters and a summer class.  We figure this saved us about $30,000.

So when it came time for him to choose the next school we allowed him to choose one out of state.  It is slightly more expensive about $26,000 a year but he got a small scholarship that will basically pay for housing.  He will take out as much as he is allowed in subsidized loans and then we will take out loans to make up the difference.  When all is said and done we will look at how much he has in loans and depending on his situation at the time we may help him pay them back.

My daughter got an offer to play at a division two private school.  The tuition is much higher but her scholarship has our cost at $16,000 a year the first year with the opportunity to increase her athletic scholarship next year and moving forward.  Again she will take out as much as allowed in subsidized and we will take the same path with her on loans.  She is also going to try to be an RA which will save an additional $9,000 a year after her freshman year.

Bottom line is we didn't do any educational savings accounts, we couldn't afford to save for both retirement and college.  We decided to start building our retirement accounts.  After 20 years for me and 10 for my husband we both have amassed pretty good retirement accounts.  It just made more sense to us to save for retirement instead of education because we can use the retirement money for education if needed.

When the kids graduate and the loans become due we can decide if we want to take a loan against our 401k to pay off the loans.  The 401k loans get paid back to us at 8%.  So while we lose the interest against that money while we borrow it - we pay the 108% back in.

By the way - the kids are both going straight on to graduate school.  The plan is to have them get a Graduate Assistant position somewhere so that they can get free tuition.

And I will have a 3 year break from when my daughter graduates and my next set of kids heads off to school.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Random Thoughts

Just a stream of thoughts and highlights from my day:

Woke up to my oldeest getting ready for work - he and his new girlfriend have been splitting time between our house and hers, so when I got up to help him find something I found myself sneaking around in my underwear and tank top.  We are a family that walks around in underwear, I'm not sure she is ready for that!  Unlike any of the past girlfriends they seem to spend every minute possible together.  It is odd because they share some interest but have settled into a very comfortable give and take.  He goes with her to see her brother in the hospital (he is recovering from a very serious accident that has him in ICU with a brain injury - he is doing very well and will be released to rehab soon) and she sits with him while he watches sports non-stop, sleeping or reading - just being near him.  Odd to hear him call her sweetheart - but fun to watch the relationship grow, and proud of the way he treats her.  They are both finishing up at community college this December and are headed off to a 4 year school together in January.

Crawled back into bed and had a little morning conversation and good morning sex with my husband - he invited me to shower - but I really wasn't quite ready to officially start the day.  So I lounged in bed until the youngest woke up and came in with all his football equipment to force me into starting the day.

Got my youngest and my husband out the door for his football game, only to find that we had a chicken on the roof of the house.  Took some pictures and had some laughs with a few of the neighbors as we watched the clumsy bird fly down.  Headed off to watch the football game and although my husband is a coach we both agree that it is nice that we can just be happy to see our son out there at 8 years old enjoying himself.  Some of the other parents spend the entire time yelling when a hit isn't made or a ball is fumbled.    It is amazingly sad to watch these 8 and 9 year old kids go out there and try to play a very confusing very hard game only to turn around and see crazy football parents yelling at them.  He lost again - they have only won once - but he smiled, had a great time and at least at this point doesn't walk away feeling like a loser - that is what counts. Bonus is that my nephews are also on the team and we get to visit with them and their sisters as we watch.  I am so thankful that my kids have the opportunity to basically grow up with their cousins.  Seeing my kids love/hate/hug/play/fight with my brother's kids is something that makes me so happy.

Home for some lunch and homework - then the 10 year old is off to a birthday party.  He only gets to go because a great friend is willing to take 30 minutes out of her very busy Saturday to pick him up for me.  Her son isn't going to the party but she volunteered so my son could attend.

Now I am sitting in a Panera 90 minutes from home - having dropped off my daughter and 5 of her closest friends at an amusement park for a few hours of "Halloween Haunt".  I sit here and people watch and think about how lucky and blessed I am to have a great home, great friends, great kids, great marriage, great family, great health and pretty good finances.  Hard to top that.

Side note on finances.  With two off to 4 year colleges in the next year my husband and I stopped all use of credit cards a few month ago.  I had noticed less and less disposable income the last two months and just realized it is from the use of only real money and no credit.  So while it has been harder and we have been living more hand to mouth - I like that it is because we are only using 'real' money.  That said - it is time to look at our budget and see if we need to adjust our savings.  Right now we see only about 1/2 of my husbands earnings - the rest go into retirement funds.  In order to survive the next two years we will need to cut back on saving.

I think I might move that hot sex up a night and see what I can do to get some tonight when I get home.  It will be late - but a girl can hope.


Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Real life

I have been away for a while for a few reasons. Real life has been keeping me busy, I love the new job but getting up to speed is never easy.  Fall sports for the kids and coaching for my husband has us running in different directions, but the seasons will be ending shortly and that will mean a lot more free time.  My lungs have been in bad shape as they are every October/November with the change of weather.  My lungs never function at 100% due to the radiation they endured as part of my cancer treatments, in October and November I function at about 50% which makes life much more difficult.

That said - I have missed posting and catching up on my blogs but I have also had a bit of writers block.  I am in a bit of a sex slump and writing about it makes it more real and also puts the pressure on me to break out of it.  While I want to break out of it I am also a little comfortable in it.  That comes from the old married me.  There is sex, so it isn't a dry spell.  The sex is there but it is not very exciting.  I crave some good hot sex, but life has gotten in the way.  

I'm thinking Sunday is the next good opportunity for not just sex but Great Sex!  I know it is only Tuesday and that seems a long time to wait, I'm sure there will be sex between now and then but with our schedules this week it will be more 'maintenance' sex.  Our last encounter was literally a quickie while I was waiting for the oven to warm up - he had until the magic beep occurred.  I think he appreciated fitting him in (pun intended) while trying to get snacks ready for a day of football watching with the family.  I also think the challenge of the time constraint was fun for him.  The sex wasn't mind blowing - but for me part of the high is the fact that he threw a playful - 'want some of this' my way never expecting me to call him into the bedroom and give him 3 minutes to get it done.  I did enjoy myself but I got more enjoyment out of knowing that he watched the games in a much better mood!

So there you have it - sex has been happening but it has been nothing to write about.  I have avoided writing because then I would have to admit to the slump and own up to being comfortable with that.  Then I am forced to deal with the fact that I hate being comfortable with it because I deserve GREAT sex.  So my promise to you - great sex on Sunday and hey if there is some great sex thrown in before that I'll take it!


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

A little appreciation

I thought I would list some of the finer qualities of my better half - then I can come back and read it when some of his not so fine qualities make me crazy.

  • He loves me, now this isn't always easy.  I am bossy, I whine, I yell and I am very obnoxious.  But he loves me and I do appreciate that and realize how lucky I am to have that love.
  • He is great at his job.  He is a middle school guidance counselor and he makes a real effort to know the kids, he loves his job and that means that when he comes home there is no stress or baggage that makes its way to our home life.
  • He is a great dad, funny, playful, always available to coach whatever team the kids are on and not afraid to be a kid himself.
  • He is a very good cook, whatever mess he makes is usually worth it.
  • He takes care of all the assorted creatures dead or alive that wander into our house or yard.
  • He is really funny.
  • He still makes me feel like the hottest person on earth, he still chases me after 25 years.
  • He is unselfish in bed, this is key to a happy healthy relationship.
  • He is always willing to let me go for a girls weekend without complaint, he realizes that this time away is important for my sanity.
  • He trust me, even if I tell him that someone was hitting on me he will just laugh it off, he knows there is no danger there
  • He isn't afraid to stand up to anyone, if I asked him to confront a guy that hit on me he would, and I have seen him get out and defend others that are being bullied or are in trouble.
  • He still asks me out on dates.
  • He picks up side work when we need money without complaining about it.
  • He loves my family as if it was his own.  When my father was sick he was right there with the rest of us.  In the end my father needed 24 hour care, and couldn't do anything for himself, my husband did everything and anything to make sure my father had what he needed.
  • He lets me be me.

That is a pretty good list to start with.   One day when he totally annoys me I will come back and read this.

By the way - we had a good night last night, took things slowly which isn't our norm but is good to throw in every once and a while.

Go O's!


Friday, September 28, 2012

I think I need a boyfriend

So, I have decided that I need a boyfriend, and my husband is the perfect candidate for this.  Thinking back at how it is so much fun to date and get to know a new boyfriend or girlfriend and how we are always on our best behavior.  I want to bring some of that best behavior back.  So starting today I am going to have a husband that is also my boyfriend.  Don't get me wrong - I don't want to give up what I have in a husband I just want to combine the best of both - and I think if I think of it that way it can only make me a better partner.  If I am a better partner then WE build a better relationship.

I got a text from him earlier today "Appetizers and hot sex tonight....with me?"  - so looks like I have a date with my boyfriend tonight!  Wish me luck.

*** Disclaimer - one area that I will not be able to go into girlfriend mode all the time with is the never let him see me a mess thing that we girlfriends like to do for our boyfriends.  I have too many kids, work responsibilities, errands to be in makeup and dressed nice every day.  There are days I never even get out of my pjs.  I will try to never be stinky - but can't promise the rest.


Sunday, September 23, 2012

A little frustrated

So - I was away for the weekend, college visits with my daughter.  She got a really big scholarship offer from one school, but is a bit worried about being 3.5 hours from home.  If this school was 2 hours from home I feel like she would have said yes on the spot.  We talked about how the train was right there, her aunt was 30 minutes away and that I would come up to see her play as often as I could.  This is the biggest decision of her life so far - really her first adult decision.

I came home for a few hours then I headed back out for softball.  Got home at 10:30 and my husband is asleep...

I was really hoping for some sex, I am a bit frustrated.  I know he is tired and we have all been fighting colds, but geez this is getting ridiculous.

I'm not going to wake him up - I was sick last week and I know how much I needed sleep.  I am going to get into bed naked and if he should happen to wake up and find me that way I won't complain if he decides to get naked himself.

Wish me luck

Update - I am less frustrated this morning!


Friday, September 21, 2012

A few glasses of wine...

a very good red - shared in a messy kitchen with my brother and sister-in-law while our kids run around.

It is an early morning for me driving my daughter to an overnight college visit.  BUT I think I will go see if my husband is interested in taking advantage of the buzz I got going.

Happy trails everyone!

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

A very slow week

We have been very busy in all areas of life this past week except the bedroom - no action going on in here.  Too may activities including working late 4 nights last week for my husband, this never happens as he works in a school - EXCEPT for the back to school season.  He had to stay and meet parents etc.  One thing to be thankful for is that mother nature decided to make her monthly visit this week - so at least it won't be two weeks of little bedroom activity.

Looking to get back on track just in time for a weekend of college visits for my daughter - I am taking her this time and Dad is staying home with the boys.

I am looking forward to a good busy sex filled week starting on Sunday!  Sounds like a good plan to me.

A small shout out to my favorite baseball team making a run for the playoffs.  I am a long suffering Orioles fan - born and raised in Baltimore they have always been my team.  They are making it fun to be a fan this year - I hope they can hold on!!!

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

My next blog

So I am now just 3 months away from the end of my year of never saying no.  I already know that this is something that I will continue.  Saying no just isn't an option for me anymore.  I have learned that my husband usually knows when I need rest and 98% of the time I don't want to say no.  For the other 2% putting my husband's desire first is the right thing to do.  I feel great to have pleased him and he always remembers to say thank you.  So it is now a lifetime of never saying no.

I think never saying no works for me because I am in a loving, trusting partnership.  I am not the only one making sacrifices or putting my partners desires above my own.  This is a two way street.  We work in different ways to make sacrifices for each other.  I think it can work in any relationship that has a good foundation - but you need that foundation.

My husband is a lucky guy (and yes I do remind him of that!)  Although it is not all wonderful - I am a bitch too - gotta keep that balance.

As I thought about sharing the blog with him at the end of the year I thought about how we can continue on and I have a GREAT idea.  I don't want to share until I talk to him about it - so you have to stay tuned for resolution 2013!


Sunday, September 9, 2012

Happy 100th Post

I don't know how many of you have been following along - but this is post 100.  It will be a short one as it is 4:28 am.  One of my clients is having issues running their payrolls - and it is for one of the largest cities in the US so I am working.  Keep your fingers crossed because we are waiting for confirmation that they are back up and going!

So last night my husband pulled out the box of toys.  Totally on his own he wanted to play.  I had a feeling it wouldn't take that long and I was right.  I like to be right.

And now for the guilt part.  I went to a funeral this morning, a friend's mom passed.   During the services my mind wandered (more than once) to the fun my husband and I had last night.  Then I was brought back to reality thinking about the fact that I was in church and at a funeral.  Sick I know - BUT - I hope everyone at my funeral is thinking about good sex they had - that will make me happy!  And my mind wandered during the readings and not during the eulogy - which makes me feel like I'm not that bad.  I've never been particularly good at paying attention in church but this might be the first time my mind has wandered in that direction.

Can't believe this is post 100.  I really have enjoyed this - I am posting less - not sure why the pull hasn't been there.  I think I have just been too tired.  I hope to get back into posting more often!


Monday, September 3, 2012

The test drive

Some pretty exciting stuff going on here for me.  First - I transitioned 100% to the new position at work, which means I am back to having only 1 job.  I actually slept about 8 hours each day this week!  Second the kids are back at school tomorrow - that means that I will be alone in my home/office from at least 8:30 until 4:30 everyday!  Looking forward to peace and quiet and to throwing a few workouts in during the day.

In other news I have been pretty forward in the bedroom this week.  I brought one of the new sex toys to bed with me the other day.  I was a little disappointed in it - but I was not disappointed in the reaction I got from my husband.  So that was a big step for me.  That was a few days ago - I haven't tried to bring it out again since - I am curious to see if my husband does.  I also not only initiated sex last night - although I kind of cheated since I knew sex was going to happen anyway - but I kicked it into high gear.  To score extra points here I took control and threw a new position into the mix.  I think my husband liked it and I will say there was a little bit of a workout involved on my part - some muscles that were screaming at me towards the end.

All in all I am calling this a successful weekend!


Saturday, August 25, 2012

My Package has arrived

So - I got my sex toy order.  I haven't shared it with my husband yet.  It is ironic that as noted in my earlier post the box of fun will be introduced as part of a conversation about sex and the different attitudes, needs, etc in our relationship.  It is ironic because of the post I just read on Ponyboy's blog The Sex Talk .

This is a busy weekend with 2 football scrimmages, 2 field hockey games and an end of the summer pool party.  If we are not exhausted then maybe we can talk tonight.

Positive exciting notes for the week. My oldest started his last semester at the community college, he will be earning his associates in December, he has done great and finished 2 years worth of classes in 1 1/2 years with only one B.  My daughter began her senior year of HS and was this week offered a huge scholarship both athletic and academic to play lacrosse by 2 different schools (division I and division II).  She also was named captain of her field hockey team and MVP of a tournament game by the team she was playing against.

Have a great weekend!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Still Here

So I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth - but I haven't been able to spend any time in the blog world or the real world for quite some time now.  I am working around the clock - as I transition into a new position at work I am basically doing 2 jobs full time and have been since August 4th.  I will be back to one job on September 1st and I can't wait.

I am trying to make sure that I still have some fun - but it has been really hard not spending time with the family and basically just working.  I am even having trouble fitting showers in - how pathetic is that.

In other news I went to my first sex toy party the other day.  So funny.  My husband had a very odd reaction to it - and that embarrassed me a bit.  We don't have a lot of toys, we have used them in the past and he has talked about getting them for me.  I took quite a bit of time carefully picking out some things for both of us and I was really excited to go home and share the catalog with him so we might be able to pick some things out together.  I can't even describe his weird behavior except to say that it was off putting.  I was so upset by his reaction that I hid the catalog and almost want to just keep the toys to myself when they get here.

I know I have some odd Catholic guilt and nice girls don't complexes to get past and his slight remarks about the party really made me feel almost embarrassed about having bought toys or attending the party.  I of course over reacted and told him he was being mean about the whole things and left the room.

I guess when the package arrives it will be a good time to let him know that this was a huge leap for me and that I need to understand why he reacted like he did.  I don't think he meant to put me off that way but he missed a huge opportunity to work with me and managed to put up some road blocks as well.

I guess I am trying to understand and meet his needs and he missed the boat on understanding and meeting my needs.  I think he just is uncomfortable about a bunch of women sitting in a room full of vibrating battery powered things.  He could have told me that before I went and I would have been fine just doing a catalog order and not going to the actual party.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

International Day of the Female Orgasm

Okay - I'm willing to play along.  Found this on another blog today and I think I can get my husband to help me celebrate.

It is so good to have everyone home again.  They had a terrible trip home - as they were boarding their flight from the first airport they were pulled aside and told that their connecting flight had been cancelled.  That meant a 30 minute flight to Denver and then a 7 hour layover.  Not too bad if you are by yourself, but pretty miserable if you are traveling with an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

They left Colorado at 9:30am and got home at about 11:00 pm.  that is about 6 hours longer than expected.

All is good - I can say after almost two weeks with no action it was nice to have someone to share the bed with me.  And we did a lot of sharing - so much that two days later I am still a bit sore.  Don't worry that won't stop me from participating in the holiday celebration.

We are having some people over tomorrow for a happy hour by the pool.  You know what this means, I will be goofy drunk and hopefully will escape without any bizarre wardrobe malfunctions.

In other exciting news - my daughter is making some college visits next week.  She has been contacted by some coaches and is excited about the opportunity to play lacrosse in college.  I'm sending my husband on the visits with her - I think he will take a better look at what they offer her academically and use his guidance counseling skills to ask the right questions.


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Not For Everyone

My time at the beach was spent with 4 other women and it made me realize that this resolution I have only works because I have a good relationship outside of the bedroom with my husband.

One of the women at the beach is very happily separated from her husband.  Prior to the separation she was in a sexless marriage. This was her choice not her husband's and it wasn't due to the quality of sex it was due to them not connecting as partners.  I think it was the whole alpha / beta thing.  They are both happier and getting more action now that they have separated.

One of the women is still married but the marriage is in trouble and she is beginning to take steps to end it.

One of the women is happily married but sex has never been a huge part of her marriage.  I am not great friends with this couple and things may have improved in the last few years but as I understand it sex is very infrequent and requires certain conditions.  They would fit the definition of being in a sexless marriage but it seems to work for them (at least from the outside observer). I can't speak from the husband's view as we have never spoken directly about this but the outsider would classify them as happily married.

I met the other woman for the first time.  From the time I spent with her she appears to have a very good relationship with her husband inside and outside of the bedroom.  

I realized that for 2 of these ladies my resolution would never work for them.  They would increase the sex in the relationship but not achieve increased intimacy.  You can't build intimacy when you don't connect on a personal level.  This is an important distinction that I didn't grasp.  My thinking was 'every husband deserves a wife that puts out'.  That thinking is flawed.  I'm not sure if this should be 'every good husband deserves a wife that puts out' or maybe 'in a good marriage a husband deserves a wife that puts out'.  I think the difference here is that you can be a good husband in a marriage that still doesn't work.  The important thing is that I realize that having a wife that will meet all her husband's sexual needs and never reject them does not mean that the marriage will work.  I am so lucky that in my case I have all the other aspects that make a good marriage.

This thinking was confirmed by a recent post on another blog, Alphaplease, where the husband has come to the realization that he could be having more sex but that may not get him to where he really wants to be in his marriage.  He needs more from his wife than just sex.

While I believe there is a strong correlation between good sex and a good strong relationship there are points where bringing sex back into a rocky relationship isn't enough.  If we can pass to our children that they need to work at keeping the sexual aspect of their relationship strong that will help to keep them together as a couple.  We can't build a relationship on sex but we can strengthen it and maintain it with a healthy sexual relationship.  

Sunday, August 5, 2012

I miss my husband

I am back from the beach and my husband is off having a wonderful time in Colorado with the little boys and his family.  They are climbing mountains, fishing, hiking and hanging out with family.  It has been 11 days since I have seen my husband and I really miss him.

The time away has been really good.  I had some great time with friends, I relaxed in my own house, I cleaned without having anyone mess it up.  But now I am done, I am ready for my family to come back together.  That will happen in two days.

Here is what I miss (in no particular order):

  1. Eating as a family.  We still eat together as a family, many people don't these days.  In fact during the summer when school is out we have lunch and dinner as a family.
  2. Hugs.  This applies to my husband and the kids.  The little boys are my babies and they still seek me out first thing in the morning for a morning hug and they still want to be tucked in at night.
  3. My Partner.  I miss making the daily plan of what needs to be done and who is doing what.  This is part of the morning routine for me.  It can be done over the phone or by email if we don't find a chance to talk before work.
  4. Touch.  Not sex specifically just connecting with my husband.  We still hold hands if we are out together and tend to touch each other if we are sitting together.  It is odd that there is not a lot of kissing - but no shortage of touch.  Guess I have to work on the kissing.
  5. Talking.  Usually at night in bed, sometime before sex, sometimes after.  This is our alone uninterrupted time, no kids, no work, no distractions.  This is not always deep and intellectual - it is just talk, this is what keeps us connected.  It isn't the same on the phone, I think because if we are in bed unless we are actually sleeping we are touching, so this talking is actually talking and touching.
  6. Sex.  Of course I miss this - I am starting to anticipate the welcome home sex that will occur on Tuesday. 
  7. The farmhand.  This one is selfish - but I am tired of taking care of the chickens and the bunnies.  He loves doing that.  My oldest son has really been doing this but on nights he heads out with friends or his girlfriend I do it.  I wish I was an animal lover but I am not.  They are cute and interesting but I wasn't raised with them and I am not going to get down and roll around with them and I really don't like cleaning up after them.  I really wish I could connect with my pets like some people do - but I never have, it is sad - makes me feel like a bad person.  

With all I miss I am glad to have had this time away - feeling refreshed and ready to get back to normal life!

Friday, July 27, 2012

A nice get away

So on Thursday morning I packed up my boys and went to the beach with my friends.  Right now we have 4 mom's and 15 kids.  Kids range from 1 to 19 and we are having a blast.

It is so nice to get this chance to hang out with my girlfriends and to watch our kids bond and create memories.

To cap it off we are in a beautiful 10 bedroom beachfront house - for FREE!!!

I have a wonderful husband that doesn't mind giving me up for a week, we will actually end up being apart for 12 days because he is taking a trip with our little guys out to visit his family in Colorado.  I recognize how nice it is that he is making a sacrifice holding things down at home and surviving with out sex for close to two weeks.  He recognizes how much I enjoy the beach and hanging out with my friends.

I am a very lucky lady!  And thanks to this wonderful vacation I am very relaxed as well!


Sunday, July 22, 2012

22 years...

So this Saturday marked my 22nd wedding anniversary.  As far as celebrations go we didn't really have a chance to do anything.  My daughter had an out of town lacrosse tournament so I was with her Friday and we got home Saturday at 6:00 pm.  My husband spent his Saturday helping my nephew get his car towed after he had a minor accident, he arrived home just after I did.

We headed to a friends house for a party as three of our friends that live out of the country are here for a short visit.  Then we ran by my brother's house to have a few drinks and see some other friends that were in from out of town.

We are planning a little early dinner tomorrow  to make up for the lack of wedding anniversary celebration, and there is a good chance there will be sex during the day as the kids are headed to an amusement park tomorrow.

There was an interesting conversation at the first party we went to on Saturday.  My husband works in a school and most of the people he works with are in their late 20's and early 30's.  They are newly married and just having kids. There were two couples there with very young children.  The husbands were talking about the fact that they don't get any sex.  One even made a comment that his wife won't have sex with him while she is breastfeeding.  The other talked about no sex once his wife is pregnant.

When we got home my husband asked me if I thought they were kidding.  He just can't even imagine being in a marriage where there isn't sex.  I told him that our marriage was not the norm and that a lot of folks are in marriages that don't involve a sex life that is satisfying to both partners.  Of our friends there are at least 3 or 4 that are having no sex.  Then there are at least 3 or 4 that are enjoying very satisfying sex lives.  Might be a cool social experiment to see if an outsider could observe all the couples and then try to determine who is getting it and who isn't.

As for my very satisfied husband the next two weeks are going to be very hard on him.  I leave for the beach on Thursday for a week and he leaves for Colorado the next Tuesday for a week.  The dry spell is going to make for a very nice reunion when he gets home but I think it has been since the birth of our youngest 8 years ago since he has gone that long without sex.


Wednesday, July 18, 2012

My Honey's Honey Harvest

So after just a few month my husband did his first honey harvest.  Those little bees have created 50 pounds of honey so far, and there will be another harvest later in the summer.

In other news - we have been doing great lately.  Yesterday I came very close to breaking my resolution.  It was 8:30 am and I was already up and working on a presentation for work.  I got cold so I walked back into the bedroom to get some socks and my husband rolled over with his morning wood and asked for some action.  At first I did say "I can't, I have to get the slides done for my meeting", he rolled over to go back to sleep.  I think he was pleasantly surprised when I almost immediately relented, with no further pressure from him, and told him I had time for a quick one.


Saturday, July 14, 2012

Drunk Sex and a Wardrobe Malfunction

So others have posted and I thought I would share my adventure from yesterday and this morning.  We had happy hour by the pool with my brother and sister-in-law, which usually turns into dinner by the pool and next thing we know it is midnight and we are finally headed home.  Last night I had some margaritas and a few glasses of wine.  This was over a 6 hour period and there was food so while I was sporting a good buzz I didn't think I was really that drunk.  I was feeling good.

So we got home (my husband drove) got the kids tucked away - drank some water and had some good drunk sex.  I remember all the activities.  I remember laying down after to go to sleep - and I remember waking up in the middle of the night and wondering when I got dressed.  I didn't remember putting on what felt like a pair of my husband's boxer shorts.  I was half asleep so I didn't think much of it.

I woke up in the morning once again wondering about what I was wearing.  My husband got out of bed to let the dogs outside and I got up to use the bathroom.  I found that I was not wearing my husband's boxers - I was wearing his t-shirt.  I was wearing his t-shirt as pants.  I had one leg in the arm hole and one leg in the neck hole.  I must conclude from this that I was very drunk - and not just a little tipsy.  I have absolutely no memory of getting dressed - and normally I don't dress after sex - so it is really odd to me that at some point during the night I decided to get dressed in such a bizarre manner.  I did have a dream where I was on a football team and we were getting dressed for a game maybe I was acting it out in my sleep.  The shirt I was 'wearing' was his football camp shirt.

Anyway - I quickly got out of his t-shirt and am pleased to report there was no hangover.  My husband came back to bed and we were able to get in some good morning sex and a shower before the kids woke up.


Friday, July 13, 2012

Sex on the Brain

I like to look at how people come across my blog and noticed that my blog got a shout out on MMSL today that triggered some traffic.  Those that blog know the MMSL has lots of readers and always triggers a spike in hits.  

Anyway the comment was about how I had discovered never saying no actually led to a direct spike in my drive.  That was back in February (see  Aha Moment).  It got me thinking about how great that was - the anticipation and how much fun I was having.  That made me sad as I didn't feel that high anymore.

So I analyzed and here is my conclusion.  I have grown used to thinking about sex all the time.  I plan my day  to make sure I am available for sex.  I plan my nights and my mornings around the possibility for sex.  I look for any and all opportunities (these are hard to come by in a house filled with kids) for sex!

So I am pleased to report that I still have Sex on the Brain.  I am still happy about that.  I am a little disappointed that I have grown used to this feeling.  I am also amused by the amount of time I spend thinking about sex.

Here is something else - I am thinking about sex all the time as much for my husband as for me.  I want him to feel like the luckiest guy in the world, despite the fact that his wife gives the worlds worst BJ.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012


One day back and I was up working until midnight.  I suck!

So I watched my husband sleep and I fell asleep at my computer, by the time I crawled into bed I was too tired to wake him up.  That really stinks - for both of us.  Earlier in the day we both happened to be on facebook in different parts of the house and he sent me this message "I'm going to fuck you good tonight" - then I screw it up by working.

In my defense, I had to get something done for a 3rd party vendor and there is really not much I can do about that.

I am definitely going to be ready, willing and able tonight.  I am going to close up shop early and have a drink and make my husband live up to the promise he made yesterday.

Monday, July 9, 2012

50 Shades - where I am comfortable reading

So as I mentioned earlier my beach reading this year was the 50 Shades of Grey series.  I finished the first two and got well into the third.  I had no issues reading these books on the beach, I didn't try to hide them from anyone - and I noticed that they appeared to be the most popular books on the beach!  I did have one moment where my 4 year old niece walked up to me while I was reading, I was on one of the rather steamy pages (which if you have read the books you know that about 33% of the books' pages are steamy).  Anyway I shielded her from the book - all the while thinking I was being silly as she can't read.  These books just make me feel like the sex and dirty thoughts can jump off the page and get you (or your 4 year old niece).

We packed up early (4 am) on Saturday to head up the coast to New Jersey for a lacrosse tournament for my daughter.  This is when I noticed that I was embarrassed to be reading these books.  I didn't want any of the other team parents seeing the books.  I don't think I would have had any problem joining in a discussion with these parents about the books - but I didn't want to be seen actually reading them.

I usually sit farther away from the other spectators anyway, I sit down by the end line so I can video tape my daughter in goal - so I was able to sneak in some reading down there during warm ups.  I was cracking myself up the way I was so careful not to hold the book in a way that exposed the cover for all to see.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

Ugh - vacation is over

We are home and unpacked.  Tomorrow I have to work.  Had such a great week, I am so not ready to go back to work.  The good news is that it should be normal working hours!

I am not going to do any work until tomorrow morning - my work week usually starts on Sunday evening - but this week I am going to extend my vacation until the 'normal' start of the work week.  On top of that i am going to try my best to ease into a normal work schedule and keep my nights for myself.


Monday, July 2, 2012


I am on day 3 of my beach vacation.  We go every summer with my brother and his family and my sister.  This year my sister-in-law invited her sister and her family.  We have a full house of 7 adults, 3 teenagers, and 6 little ones.  The weather has been beautiful and it is so nice to get away.

We spend our days on the beach, our nights playing games and enjoying a few adult beverages - and sex is just expected.  I found out that a few years ago when we each had little ones sharing our rooms there were several of us that had at some point in the week escaped to the laundry room in the rented house for a little quickie.  This year we have plenty of bedrooms and everyone has enough privacy!

I have mentioned before that I LOVE to read - but only allow myself to read when on vacation because if I start a book I ignore everything else and just read.  So I am on vacation and my sister-in-law has provided me with some interesting reading.  Yes - the 50 Shades of Grey books.  I am almost done the first and it is certainly some interesting, thought provoking reading.

For the guys out there - the ones that aren't getting it as regularly as you want - if your wife has read these did you see a spike in her drive?

The books certainly make me want to have sex, even if I think this woman and the situations are a bit out there for me, although I will admit some of it seems like something I would try - the issue is that I am painfully shy about what I want even after being married almost 22 years.  May have to just tell my husband to read the books.


Friday, June 29, 2012


I am smiling because my husband and I are back on track after some work and other life related  things kept getting in the way.  But I am also smiling because a year ago this sort of break from intimacy would have come with lots of little annoyances, crankiness and passive aggressive behaviors.

It had been more than a week, and it wasn't just lack of sex, it was lack of any time together at all.  And then there was the pure exhaustion on top of it.

Here is what has me smiling, I headed off to bed at 7:30, felt the youngest crawl into with me at some point - then the 10 year old.  I heard my husband pick them up and move them to their bed and the next thing I know it is 6:30 am.  He let me sleep, he could have and he really should have woken me up.  I know that he wanted to - but he took into account how much I have been working and how tired I was and he let me sleep.

Why?  He loves me and he is probably worried about my lack of sleep.  As much as he wants sex he would rather it be with a person that was playing along and not asleep.  He knows that this dry spell is not something that is going to become a habit.  He went to bed knowing that he would be able to roll over in the morning to a refreshed wife who would not deny him.

Those are at least the reasons that I am going to attribute to his thought process.  Those are the reasons that have me smiling.  They are all good reasons and they all make me really happy that I have made the decision to never reject his advances - because his advances aren't always about him.  Because he is not denied by me he considers ME before he makes advances.  That is what partnership is about.

We head off for the beach tomorrow - and I hope that we have lots of opportunities to make up for lost time!

By the way - baseball officially ended with a win for my son's team (the one my husband coaches) - they brought home the regional championship trophy!