Saturday, August 25, 2012

My Package has arrived

So - I got my sex toy order.  I haven't shared it with my husband yet.  It is ironic that as noted in my earlier post the box of fun will be introduced as part of a conversation about sex and the different attitudes, needs, etc in our relationship.  It is ironic because of the post I just read on Ponyboy's blog The Sex Talk .

This is a busy weekend with 2 football scrimmages, 2 field hockey games and an end of the summer pool party.  If we are not exhausted then maybe we can talk tonight.

Positive exciting notes for the week. My oldest started his last semester at the community college, he will be earning his associates in December, he has done great and finished 2 years worth of classes in 1 1/2 years with only one B.  My daughter began her senior year of HS and was this week offered a huge scholarship both athletic and academic to play lacrosse by 2 different schools (division I and division II).  She also was named captain of her field hockey team and MVP of a tournament game by the team she was playing against.

Have a great weekend!


Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Still Here

So I haven't fallen off the face of the Earth - but I haven't been able to spend any time in the blog world or the real world for quite some time now.  I am working around the clock - as I transition into a new position at work I am basically doing 2 jobs full time and have been since August 4th.  I will be back to one job on September 1st and I can't wait.

I am trying to make sure that I still have some fun - but it has been really hard not spending time with the family and basically just working.  I am even having trouble fitting showers in - how pathetic is that.

In other news I went to my first sex toy party the other day.  So funny.  My husband had a very odd reaction to it - and that embarrassed me a bit.  We don't have a lot of toys, we have used them in the past and he has talked about getting them for me.  I took quite a bit of time carefully picking out some things for both of us and I was really excited to go home and share the catalog with him so we might be able to pick some things out together.  I can't even describe his weird behavior except to say that it was off putting.  I was so upset by his reaction that I hid the catalog and almost want to just keep the toys to myself when they get here.

I know I have some odd Catholic guilt and nice girls don't complexes to get past and his slight remarks about the party really made me feel almost embarrassed about having bought toys or attending the party.  I of course over reacted and told him he was being mean about the whole things and left the room.

I guess when the package arrives it will be a good time to let him know that this was a huge leap for me and that I need to understand why he reacted like he did.  I don't think he meant to put me off that way but he missed a huge opportunity to work with me and managed to put up some road blocks as well.

I guess I am trying to understand and meet his needs and he missed the boat on understanding and meeting my needs.  I think he just is uncomfortable about a bunch of women sitting in a room full of vibrating battery powered things.  He could have told me that before I went and I would have been fine just doing a catalog order and not going to the actual party.


Thursday, August 9, 2012

International Day of the Female Orgasm

Okay - I'm willing to play along.  Found this on another blog today and I think I can get my husband to help me celebrate.

It is so good to have everyone home again.  They had a terrible trip home - as they were boarding their flight from the first airport they were pulled aside and told that their connecting flight had been cancelled.  That meant a 30 minute flight to Denver and then a 7 hour layover.  Not too bad if you are by yourself, but pretty miserable if you are traveling with an 8 year old and a 10 year old.

They left Colorado at 9:30am and got home at about 11:00 pm.  that is about 6 hours longer than expected.

All is good - I can say after almost two weeks with no action it was nice to have someone to share the bed with me.  And we did a lot of sharing - so much that two days later I am still a bit sore.  Don't worry that won't stop me from participating in the holiday celebration.

We are having some people over tomorrow for a happy hour by the pool.  You know what this means, I will be goofy drunk and hopefully will escape without any bizarre wardrobe malfunctions.

In other exciting news - my daughter is making some college visits next week.  She has been contacted by some coaches and is excited about the opportunity to play lacrosse in college.  I'm sending my husband on the visits with her - I think he will take a better look at what they offer her academically and use his guidance counseling skills to ask the right questions.


Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Not For Everyone

My time at the beach was spent with 4 other women and it made me realize that this resolution I have only works because I have a good relationship outside of the bedroom with my husband.

One of the women at the beach is very happily separated from her husband.  Prior to the separation she was in a sexless marriage. This was her choice not her husband's and it wasn't due to the quality of sex it was due to them not connecting as partners.  I think it was the whole alpha / beta thing.  They are both happier and getting more action now that they have separated.

One of the women is still married but the marriage is in trouble and she is beginning to take steps to end it.

One of the women is happily married but sex has never been a huge part of her marriage.  I am not great friends with this couple and things may have improved in the last few years but as I understand it sex is very infrequent and requires certain conditions.  They would fit the definition of being in a sexless marriage but it seems to work for them (at least from the outside observer). I can't speak from the husband's view as we have never spoken directly about this but the outsider would classify them as happily married.

I met the other woman for the first time.  From the time I spent with her she appears to have a very good relationship with her husband inside and outside of the bedroom.  

I realized that for 2 of these ladies my resolution would never work for them.  They would increase the sex in the relationship but not achieve increased intimacy.  You can't build intimacy when you don't connect on a personal level.  This is an important distinction that I didn't grasp.  My thinking was 'every husband deserves a wife that puts out'.  That thinking is flawed.  I'm not sure if this should be 'every good husband deserves a wife that puts out' or maybe 'in a good marriage a husband deserves a wife that puts out'.  I think the difference here is that you can be a good husband in a marriage that still doesn't work.  The important thing is that I realize that having a wife that will meet all her husband's sexual needs and never reject them does not mean that the marriage will work.  I am so lucky that in my case I have all the other aspects that make a good marriage.

This thinking was confirmed by a recent post on another blog, Alphaplease, where the husband has come to the realization that he could be having more sex but that may not get him to where he really wants to be in his marriage.  He needs more from his wife than just sex.

While I believe there is a strong correlation between good sex and a good strong relationship there are points where bringing sex back into a rocky relationship isn't enough.  If we can pass to our children that they need to work at keeping the sexual aspect of their relationship strong that will help to keep them together as a couple.  We can't build a relationship on sex but we can strengthen it and maintain it with a healthy sexual relationship.  

Sunday, August 5, 2012

I miss my husband

I am back from the beach and my husband is off having a wonderful time in Colorado with the little boys and his family.  They are climbing mountains, fishing, hiking and hanging out with family.  It has been 11 days since I have seen my husband and I really miss him.

The time away has been really good.  I had some great time with friends, I relaxed in my own house, I cleaned without having anyone mess it up.  But now I am done, I am ready for my family to come back together.  That will happen in two days.

Here is what I miss (in no particular order):

  1. Eating as a family.  We still eat together as a family, many people don't these days.  In fact during the summer when school is out we have lunch and dinner as a family.
  2. Hugs.  This applies to my husband and the kids.  The little boys are my babies and they still seek me out first thing in the morning for a morning hug and they still want to be tucked in at night.
  3. My Partner.  I miss making the daily plan of what needs to be done and who is doing what.  This is part of the morning routine for me.  It can be done over the phone or by email if we don't find a chance to talk before work.
  4. Touch.  Not sex specifically just connecting with my husband.  We still hold hands if we are out together and tend to touch each other if we are sitting together.  It is odd that there is not a lot of kissing - but no shortage of touch.  Guess I have to work on the kissing.
  5. Talking.  Usually at night in bed, sometime before sex, sometimes after.  This is our alone uninterrupted time, no kids, no work, no distractions.  This is not always deep and intellectual - it is just talk, this is what keeps us connected.  It isn't the same on the phone, I think because if we are in bed unless we are actually sleeping we are touching, so this talking is actually talking and touching.
  6. Sex.  Of course I miss this - I am starting to anticipate the welcome home sex that will occur on Tuesday. 
  7. The farmhand.  This one is selfish - but I am tired of taking care of the chickens and the bunnies.  He loves doing that.  My oldest son has really been doing this but on nights he heads out with friends or his girlfriend I do it.  I wish I was an animal lover but I am not.  They are cute and interesting but I wasn't raised with them and I am not going to get down and roll around with them and I really don't like cleaning up after them.  I really wish I could connect with my pets like some people do - but I never have, it is sad - makes me feel like a bad person.  

With all I miss I am glad to have had this time away - feeling refreshed and ready to get back to normal life!