Last night at 1:30 am - so technically this was December 31, 2012, I woke up with a pounding sinus headache. It was behind my left eye and it was the type of pressure that seems to shift when you move your head. At 1:45 my husband rolled over and started to make some moves on me. I had to do it - I had to respectfully decline his advances. I just told him that I had some terrible sinus pressure and asked if he could hold off for a few hours. He was fine with that.
I didn't feel any guilt, didn't feel like I rejected him, but saw the irony of having to break my resolution on the last day. I think I would have cried if I tried to suck it up and go for it.
In any case I am cashing in my one get out of jail free card and calling this resolution a massive success.
Tomorrow I will hand the computer over to my husband - direct him to the blog and let him at it! I think I may even create a user id for him so that he can comment if he wants - and I do hope he wants to. I am curious to see his take on the past year, whether he noticed any changes, does he feel the need to defend himself when I have called him out for things out here where he had no way to stand up for himself, does he have any other feedback that I missed.
Before I do all of that I will do a 'wrap up' post on the good the bad and the ugly of the year 2012!
Hope you have a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebration!
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Bah, medical reasons don't count. And really, you didn't reject him, you just asked him to wait!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear his reaction :)
Besides, you've just given him a year of saying "Yes" at every opportunity. So when you give him a "Not tonight dear, I have a headache," he's going to believe that you simply have a real headache -- and that's it: no games, and the promise that this is just postponed until morning is real. Which, based on the rest of what you've written, it obviously is.
DeleteHappy new year...looking forward to seeing what he thinks!
ReplyDeleteTo the husband of this phenomenal lady,
ReplyDeleteI hope this revelation first thing in your new year finds you both flattered and pleased.
It has to be both flattering and satisfying to know your wife values you and the relationship the two of you share so much that she committed to and stuck with this resolution for the past year. We commentors have been pulling for her all the way. We have shared vicariously in both her triumphs and disappointments and have tried to be a source of encouragement when things went well and offered consolation and advice when they didn’t. She was a little tough on herself initially when the “numbers” were less than the goal she set, but she eventually faced the reality that she didn’t have total control over the circumstances that determined the outcomes.
I really felt for her when she was trying to initiate and was so uncomfortable and lacked confidence in her ability to pull it off. We men say we want our women to initiate more often but fail to realize how alien that act has to be to them. It is something they are not socialized to do as “good” girls and they have no role model or pattern to draw guidance from. As I read other blogs about sexuality, women seem to universally lack confidence in two areas: initiation and oral sex. They feel uncertain about either to begin with, and once courageous enough to do either, they then worry how well they are doing it. I suspect a lot of their lack of confidence and insecurity comes from the fact that they, especially older women, have not or do not view much porn, print or video. Not so with the majority of men. I am not saying all we seen teaches us caring, respectful attitudes and techniques, but it does give us a certain comfort level with the “how to” part most women do not share. Not saying all women need to start looking at porn, just trying to reason out how we may come to sex with a greater comfort level than our wives do because many of us have “read” the primer beforehand. We may expect more than they have a background knowledge base, or desire, to deliver, so I give her kudos for sticking in there through all the uncomfortable areas and then enlightening us husbands with her posts.
It was also good to know we are not in this alone; both husbands and wives. It’s encouraging and comforting to know, “It isn’t just me, her or us. ”Like Red says on the Red Green show, “We’re all in this together.” There are a lot of sexual and relationship problems we all share but suffer through in silence. The anonymity of blogging lets us share the possibility of healing and the revelation that others care about us and our problems. Sometimes the sharing can be raw and uncensored and even painful to read, but it may be the only way it can be shared at that exact moment. We read, hopefully learn, and perhaps offer consolation, opinion or advice.
It has been my privilege to share in this part of your lives. I have learned from it and that was my point in reading it when I discovered it in November. Sometimes, there is not enough ‘intra” communication within a marriage, and we then seek to learn from “inter” communication outside of our own experience. She has helped me learn, I hope I have encouraged or helped her learn in some way also.
Enjoy your life, kids, job, coaching, chickens, rabbits and bees. Most of all enjoy that very unique individual that is your wife. We all envy you and your relationship.