Saturday, December 1, 2012


So I am feeling a bit unmotivated today, so I figured I would do a quick post before I get off my ass and clean the house.

I was thinking a bit more about my motivation for keeping this resolution a secret.  I haven't told anyone about it except anonymously here in the blog world.

Initially the official reasons were:

  • If my husband knew he would be very tempted to dare me to have sex with him in some inappropriate places or situations.  
    • I will say that I trust my husband and he respects me - he would do this jokingly and expect me to say no, I need to make sure that this was not about how far I would go to keep the resolution and more about living up to the promises I made when I married him.
  • This was a change in me and I didn't want my husband to have to change anything
    •  I am not sure if this holds water, but could it be that I didn't want him to feel like the pressure was on him more now to perform?  Who knows what I am thinking sometimes.

I think now that there were some unofficial reasons:
  • I've never actually kept a resolution for an entire year.  Thinking back now I was probably subconsciously protecting myself and allowing that out if I failed.
    • I did keep one resolution but it almost feels like it doesn't count because it isn't daily and it is fun - one year I resolved to get back into sports by joining teams, that was 14 years ago and I still play on various sports teams.  But this isn't a constant thing that I feel like I had to work at daily.
  • I think that if I told him and then there was some annoyance or disagreement I could actually use the resolution as a tool or weapon and decide to take it away.
    • Wow isn't that bitchy, I'm not sure I would but that I could even think about it now is really repulsive to me.  I think sex is a powerful force in a relationship and can be used as incentive and can be held back as punishment or some sort of power struggle.
  • If I tell him I will never refuse him, will I feel rejected if he isn't after me all the time
    • This is a thought I had yesterday while I was responding to a comment on my last post.  This one is pretty scary for me because as I have said this resolution will continue for the rest of my life.  So I better get some realistic expectations and be ready for 2013 and beyond.
  • Its fun to have a secret
    • This secret blog and my secret dedication of myself to my husband I think it makes things more exciting.  This makes me feel a bit guilty and question my motivation, fortunately I am pretty good at debate and can get myself past it.

We are in the home stretch of this secret resolution, today is December 1st so only this month left.  Then he gets to read - and I may even make it into a book for him.  I hope that he wants to take a blog adventure with me.

I am considering what my resolution for 2013 should be - let me know if you have any ideas!

By the way I have a nice view as I sit in my nice warm house of my husband out in the cold cutting down trees and then cutting them up and clearing the debris.  He really loves his chain saw - bet he doesn't know that while it scares me when he uses it - it is also quite sexy. 



  1. I think no matter what your reasons are, were, will be...your heart is in the right place and you are doing something awesome for your relationship. I personally am very curious about January 1st:)

  2. I linked over from New Bea and am wondering how the year went. I am not thinking it was all roses or anything like that, but I am interested in how you think a constantly available opportunity for intimacy affected your DH. I know intimacy and sex are not the always hand-in-glove and that is why I did not say sex. I would surmise that after a while there were opportunities for intimacy that did not turn sexual. I am of the opinion that we men sometimes, make that almost always, turn intimate moments into sexual encounters because we are never certain when the next opportunity will present itself. Let me add this feeble, but serious, justification. I am not so sure we only touch you when we want sex as perhaps having touched you, we then want sex, or you, or connection, or whatever sounds least offensive to you ladies. I would and not be surprised if nonsexual touch and intimacy increased once DH felt assured of your constant availability. I know even if my wife refused me now, but said "how about tomorrow afternoon," I would not feel the same disappointment and anxiety had she just refused. I would think after about 6 months, he would not have "opportunity anxiety" and would thus be able to be intimate without escalting to being sexual in every encounter, even to the point of more intimate only encounters. So, how did it go? I know it will take you some time after the end of the year to respond, unless you have been "journaling" and then only have to do a summation. You may have been posting about it. If so, forgive me. This is the first and only post I have read. Now on to the archived posts. Would be interested in whether you have heard from others doing the same. Doing a little research on the topic of married sexuality.


    1. I took a little break from work and found all your comments - I have to get back to work now and might not have a chance to respond until tomorrow - but I'm thrilled that you found me and am looking forward to responding!

  3. I love this commitment.
    Your concern: "If my husband knew he would be very tempted to dare me to have sex with him in some inappropriate places or situations."

    Doesn't that sound fun and exciting, though? Surely after 20 years of marriage you know and trust him to not make you do anything illegal or push you to do anything that you would really compromise you.

    When you say "inappropriate," do you mean new and unusual or possible uncomfortable? Perhaps trying some of those new things would actually result in some really fun times.

    He's got a very good thing going--wouldn't want to do anything that would truly irritate you.

    His mind would be spinning with creative things to plan and try.

    Just a thought. I bet it would totally turn him on and bond him to you forever no matter what.

    1. Stay tuned for 2013. He will know of the now lifelong resolution to 'Always say Yes!'