Monday, December 10, 2012

Because you said yes...

We have a pet rabbit that free ranges in the yard and lives in his pen at night.  This rabbit decided a few weeks ago that he was not going to ever let us shut the door to his pen - when he heard or saw you coming he ran out - and that rabbit is FAST.  I personally saw this rabbit chased out of our yard by a fox that came in one morning looking to feast on one of our free ranging chickens.  My neighbors just love my little petting farm.  We thought the rabbit could probably outrun the fox but when it didn't come back we figured he lost that race.

Well apparently he was just out exploring the woods, he showed up again this week camped out under the female rabbits pen.  Our female was in heat and the male was back to get some.  So we put out some hay, some food and an animal friendly trap and this morning we caught that rabbit.

I called my husband and he offered to come home and get the rabbit safely out of the trap and into the pen

He got home at 1:00 and I was in the middle of a meeting.  All my meetings are tele-conferences so I put them on mute and went out to help with the rabbit.

As we came back in he followed me back to the bedroom - I'm totally lazy and often work in bed under the covers.  He asked if he could get some action before heading back to work and what do you think the answer was?  I said yes - and he was already standing there with his pants at his ankles, his man parts standing at attention.

I asked him why he was already ready to roll and he replied "because you said yes."  It is just that easy.

And we are in for another triple play - as we had a morning session, a little afternooner and it's early and I'm not working tonight.


  1. You had sex that morning and he was back for some afternoon delight. Assuming you do not feel he is hormonally oversexed, or obsessed with sex psychologically, or otherwise a "sex fiend", as in just a guy with typical(like that so much better than "normal") sexual urges, I would ask you this question: Has this experiment caused you to deeply think about the very significant role sex plays in the marriage for the husband. How many more times have you had sexual interaction or shared intimacy of some type this year as compared to last? Now that your husband has become accustomed to expecting "yes" and not rejection for one reason or another, how many more times has he asked that were not typical of your former pattern, i.e. quickies, nooners, middle of the night, etc.? Does his sense of pleasure seem to be heightened and is he more in the moment duriong the act? Has he become more sensitive to your need? Does he do more non-sexual touching and other acts of intimacy through out the day? Does he do more to meet your sexual needs and desires? Is he less goal(orgasm)oriented and now spends more time on foreplay and pleasuring you? Does he spend more intimate time immediately after sex cuddling and talking? Do you ever catch him looking at you with longing and desire(lusting for you)? Has he become more sensitive and respectful overall?

    I'll stop here. What I am looking for is the unexpected benefits that accrued over the past year. When you changed, how did he change? I want you to really think about this. Changing him was not your plan or part of the design. We read so much about be the change you want to see in your mate, so I am wondering what was your subjective experience regarding changes in him and, consequently, your relationship with each other. I am willing to bet both the knowledge that his needs would be me, and then the meeting of them, changed him and with not other effort or intervention on your part, i.e. you didn't conciously and purposely manipulate him. More later, time to go to church.

  2. I don't want to dominate the comments here, but as this winds down, I have a lot of question and thoughts. Since the html limmits the number of characters, I am resorting to multiple comments under the post they pertain to.

    Basically, what I am asking above is did having his sexual and intimacy needs met change his dispostion, attitude, mood or whatever you wish to call it? Most men don't recognize their desire for sex as actually a desire for intimacy. Sex satisfies the intimacy need leading them to meet that need in a very narrow, goal oriented way. "I need to feel close and connected so let's have sex" becomes the default way they know. Sadly, they don't recognize the higher need for connected intimacy and just read the want as being "horny."

    Since, for all practical purposes he participated in a blind study, did the "therapy" have unintended benefits beyond it's original intent: not ever saying "no?" I am hoping the answer is yes, change was CREATED, not UNDERTAKEN, by simply implying and acting upon your(his)needs will always be met. You no longer have to hoard, gorge, or fear starvation. You will always be fed as much as you want, whenever you want(circumstance not withstanding of course. Don't you hate having to qualify what you say when you think a reasonable attitude is implied?)Then you realize you can wait until later because the buffet is always open and all items are available. I don't have to eat when I am not really hungry because it will still be there when I want. That has to really change your attitude about request v. demand, and delay v. rejection. Even though he was an unwitting part of the "experiment", did your willing availability affect his conscious nature?

    When we recognize we have a constantly replenishing abundance of something essential to our well-being, we often feel a sense of peace, generosity, and calm that flows over into other areas of our lives. Wow! I finally defined the question. Sorry it took so long. The question is: Did that perceived intimacy abundance create a sense of well-being in other areas of his life and the relationship you share? I see a book in the answer, even if only an e-book. In an otherwise healthy marriage(stinking qualifying disclaimer), can something as simple as "saying yes"(I remember you discovering it wasn't just "not saying no,")create intimate fulfillment and contentment?

    I have another comment that I believe will address the critical quesion you are facing and I hope all of the men that have commented here will respond not only with adequate deliberation but also quickly. You have an issue that is time sensitive and a potential time bomb: When and how do you tell your husband? Moving on to renew the html limit.

  3. Here's her problem gentlemen. Disclaimer: I am not judging what she did, how she did it, why she did it, or to whom she did this with. I am going to use very direct language to keep things both simple and clear so I can stay on point. Unlike my usual banter, the sentences will be simple and hopefully short. They are not meant to be terse, just concise. The word experiment us used becasue it is accurate. It is not meant to infer she had a clinical regard as to her relationship with her husband. No disrespect meant or admonishment intended.

    She performed a social experiment on her husband. She did not tell him she was doing it. She did not tell him he was a participant or the subject of the experiment. She did not tell him the nature or extent of the experiment. What she did do was tell everyone else in the literate, internet connected world. Just a few hundred million potentially. I'm sure her hit count is nowhere near that high, but she had limited control over its dissemination. She put some very personal, intimate information out there; information he or others in the family may find disturbing or embarassing. There is aways the potential that someone will recognize or discover the source of the blog. As the lawyers on the tube say, "Those are the true, uncontested and undeniable facts of the case."

    She now has potentially quite a delima to deal with. Does she tell him in 2013 as she has said she wants to do? If she does, how does she tell him and what does she tell him? How much disclosure is necessary. She can let him read the blog, or not. She can take the blog down, or not, and divulge only what she decides is best under the relationship circumstancs. She can forget the blog and experiment ever happened and dodge what may be a potential bullet. She can tell All and it may come up roses all the way around. I am sure she has thought about this and may be a little anxious as the year comes to a close. She should do whatever she feels is best of her marriage, even if that means she reneges on telling him. What she does is her own business.

    Having said that, I think we can perhaps help her decide how to handle the situation if we offer how it would be if we were the unwitting husband. What would hurt, offend, or bother us about the "experiment" and sharing of personal information. If you would have a problem with it being done to you, how could your wife present her case to make it more palatable? What landmines to you see that perhaps should be avoided if possible? I think she is going to need some help here.

    I think she the reasons she performed the experiment we noble and of a pure motivation. I don't feel she thought she wanted or intended to manipulate her husband or his behavior. I think she blogged as a form of therapy. I think she blogged to create a record or journal for reference. I think she blogged because she believed in the purpose of the experiment and wanted to share its potential good result with other wives. I think the personal information about their sex live was a necessary part of the process and give it a validity and truth she could not have achieve any other way. I know that information was also the only way her theory could be proven and the only way the blog had any value to others. I'm not her husband though.

    I would not want to see this very important and needed social experiment be made unavailable. I think I am right about it affecting his life and theirs positively in areas having nothing to do with sexuality. As such, I would not want to see the blog, its content and comments taken down. I would like to see it continue to develop, but that is asking a lot of people with private lives and thoughts. I see it meeting a very real need for married sexuality and intimacy issues.

  4. Busted the HTML limit. In conclusion:

    All that not withstanding, it is time to give her some input so this does not turn out badly for her. She began it with a pure heart and a pure motive: to further strengthen the already good relationship between the two of them. Unfortunatley, she has inadvertantly painted herself into a corner. How can we help her? Remember, this is a time critical issue.

    1. Guess I never really thought of it as an experiment, I've always called it a resolution. I did however from the very beginning realize that the resolution would impact many things in my/our lives and relationship. I was eager to analyze and kept this as a journal. I love the feedback and have always intended to share this blog with my husband in 2013. I have been very fair to him and he is a psychology major - will enjoy the experiment part of this. I hope he will comment and I really hope that he will be interested in taking on a role in the blog as it morphs in 2013!

  5. I shouldn't overlook the fact that you did indeed begin this as a commitment to enact a resolution to never say "no" in 2012. I used the word experiment because certain aspects of it went beyond just not saying no. I don't feel you regarded your husband as just an unwitting participant in a social experiment. I am glad to hear he's a pysycology major. It should make it easy for him to understand your motivation and accept the journaling part. Personally, anything you have said to this point would not have upset me if I were him. It might be more than I would want to openly discuss with people I knew, but I wouldn't feel betrayed knowing the information was out there. I was just worried that he might be a more private person than you and would feel you had shared too much very personal information.

    I think you have done a great service don't want to see you catch flack for it. I have really enjoyed reading about the changes the two of you have experienced, even the stuff that had nothing to do directly with sex. It was those non-bedroom things that not saying no affected that held the most interest. I'm sure your continued efforts at initiating have created changes in other areas of your life. It's those ancillary things that are changed which validate you hypotesis. The weight thing will work out too, just not in the way you had hoped. When the spring hits the pounds will start to come off.