Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Feeling un-funkish

What a great feeling.  Really just started feeling great today.  I feel like I am on the upswing and that can only be a good thing!

Lots of work yet to be done before I get to go to sleep tonight - so just a quick hello - hopefully a big wordy post on Friday - with lots of good news!

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Still need to break out of the May funk...

We are definitely still in our slump - but I expect us to break out of this very soon.  A few things have played into prolonging it.  The AC broke - hard to feel sexy when the house feels like an oven.  Work is still crazy.   It is that lovely time of the month.  So the AC should be fixed by the weekend.  I have applied for a new position at work that will break me out of the endless cycle of work pilling up faster than I can do it.  Only another day until I am in the countdown to ovulation.

I predict good sex on Thursday - then I head out of town for a graduation/birthday celebration.  Good sex again on Sunday.  Still keeping my eye on the prize and trying to be proactive here.


Thursday, May 24, 2012

Ugh

No time for anything.  I have been working my ass off - all kinds of hours and it feels like I am not getting anything done.

I have had no sex drive at all and am in a real rut here.  So although right now I have no real desire for sex I am  going to make sure I head to bed with my husband tonight.  I could go to sleep but I know that it is the stress that is making me feel less than sexy.  I know that I will enjoy sex once we get going - so I am going to ignore my lack of drive and go for it.

I'm glad that I have spent the last few months analyzing my sex life - it is because of what I have learned that I am going to set out to initiate sex.  I know it will do me and my husband some good, it will help lower my stress level and help me sleep.  6 months ago - I would just be headed to bed with no intention of having sex - so Go Me!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Whirlwind weekend

Had a really fun and really busy weekend.  A good friend of mine moved out of state 3 years ago and she was back in town this weekend.  We have known each other for 11 years, she used to provide day care for my kids and last year my oldest son lived with her while he was playing baseball in West Virginia.  Before she moved away we would spend many nights with her and her extended family.

Friday night we went out to her brother and sister-in-laws house and enjoyed a bonfire and some great food, wine and beer.  I fell asleep in the car on the way home, so my husband let me sleep when we got home.  We had agreed to sex in the morning - but he didn't have the heart to wake me.  He was volunteering at a health expo and left the house fairly early on Saturday while I slept in.

My friend and I spent Saturday lounging around the pool (with a small break to watch my youngest two play baseball).  That evening we had dinner with some of her former volleyball players and fellow coaches.  Another late night bonfire.  My husband was asleep when I got home.

At about 7:30 this morning he tapped me on the shoulder and said "I am really horny".  I am so glad he phrased it this way and didn't pull out the "Do you want me to fuck you."  It was direct and I know that he had been putting off his needs all weekend to let me sleep and spend time with my friend.  He put my needs first all weekend and then spoke up.  Perfect!

Sunday was more relaxed, made cookies for my son and his two friends that are visiting from out of town, helped my daughter make cake pops for a class party tomorrow,  won two softball games tonight and now I am blogging when I should be sleeping or working!

I think that my husband deserve a special thank you tomorrow for taking care of things this weekend so I could catch up with my friend.  I will make sure I show proper appreciation tomorrow - I would tonight but apparently my 7 year old watched Gremlins and is in my bed totally freaked out.

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Friday, May 18, 2012

Another First

This one not really a positive.  Last night was the first time that I had sex with my husband when I really didn't want to.  It didn't totally suck but I was really not into it.  Why, because he had been inconsiderate to me earlier and I guess I carried that forward.

So this post is about some of the issues that we have in our marriage - some of the ways that my husband isn't perfect.  Since I am the author of this blog this will be my take on things - I'm sure he has his own take.

My husband and I both work full time, he physically goes to work and I work from home.  He has a job where he has to be there for 7 hours, while he is there it can be stressful, he is a middle school guidance counselor - but her rarely brings work home.  I have a job where I am a salaried employee and I am basically on call 24 hours a day.  I work approximately 60 to 70 hours a week.  I work every night with the exception of Friday and Saturday.  I am well paid and I enjoy my job most of the time - but it is hard and definitely not something that is ever left at the office at the end of the day.

Outside of work I am the one that does the laundry, does the homework, makes the lunches, takes care of the pool, does the banking and bill paying, and takes care of cleaning the house.  My husband does the outside work, except for the pool.  Basically, he doesn't seem to realize that I work as hard as I do and could occasionally use some help with homework, laundry etc.

Last night I spoke up as I had work to do and there was laundry to be folded, homework to be done and kids to be put to bed.  He did get up and help - but it bugs me that I have to ask.  It feels like he doesn't recognize that I am actually working even when I don't leave the house.  So I was slightly annoyed because I really shouldn't have to ask for help - he should be proactive in more areas.

I got the help I needed and the kids were in bed - I settled into our bedroom to wrap up some work and he starts channel surfing to find something to watch.  He settles on Game of Thrones - he has read all of these books and really enjoys them.  I know others that watch this show and understand it is really good - BUT I can't handle the violence.  I physically can't be in the room.  So I got chased out of our room so he could watch.  That annoyed me.

Our DVR is in our rec room/bar.  Every episode of Game of Thrones is recorded so he can watch at his convenience.  He knows I can't watch this show - or many others like it.  But last night, he decided to  watch it anyway and I was the one that had to move.

When it was over I came back into the room and he of course wanted some action.  I had some internal dialogue and recognized his needs above mine - felt a little superior in doing that (hey I'm not perfect - I know I am not superior but last night I was cranky and this was my rationalization.)

Still don't feel great about this - but kept the resolution going.  My husband went to sleep happy on a day that I would rather he went to sleep feeling crappy for not meeting all of my needs.  I am lucky that more than 5 1/2 months in this is the exception and not the rule.

I will, now that I am cooled off, discuss this with him yet again - it is far from the first time that we have discussed this.  I think it is a man thing - I usually put others needs before mine and have since I was little (taking care of my mother when I was 10).  He has always had to look out for himself, his mother died when he was 11.  He does what he needs to for himself and what he is asked to, but doesn't look out for things that will help others before sitting down to relax.

Okay -just a rant - I'm over it - still love my husband, still recognize all he does, still take too much on, still looking for my husband to step up a little bit more.

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Thursday, May 17, 2012

Anticipation

The other day my husband got home from work about an hour earlier than usual, we had the house to ourselves and all the stars aligned when my 3:00 meeting got moved to 4:30.  Without asking or giving any warning he just started to undress me, moved some things out of the way and we enjoyed a mid day quickie.  As we wrapped up and I jumped in the shower he told me exactly what he was planning to do to me in bed that night, what he promised was of course one of my favorite activities so he was pushing all the right buttons here!

As has happened a lot lately work had me crawling into bed a little later than him and he was in a pretty deep sleep - I will admit to being a bit disappointed but didn't want to wake him up.  I figured that I would just make my presence known a little by scratching his back and see what happened.

I don't know if a back scratch can be called initiating - but having heard what his plans were and knowing he was thinking about me, and had me thinking about him - I wanted to let him know I was there for the taking if he wanted.  Once again the stars aligned and he delivered on his promise.  I will say that I was pretty sure when he started to wake up that we would have sex - I just really didn't think he would make the efforts and deliver on his promise.  He did deliver and then topped it off with a new position - one that worked out quite well for me.


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Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Why

So I was reading some blogs today and looking at some discussion forums and it just really brings home how every individual and every relationship is different, and that the things that we do to make it work (or not work) differ too.  It got me thinking about my marriage and life and why I made this resolution.

I met my husband when I was 18 and just out of high school.  I grew up pretty quickly, helping to take care of my mother when she was sick and then learning to live without her.  I started drinking and sneaking out when I was 14 so by the time I was 18 I had done a lot of things most people spend their college years doing.

I was out of the party scene, working full time and in college while we dated long distance.  We were a 7 hours apart by car, and this was in the dark ages (late '80s).  We saw each other about once a month and wrote letters daily.  He didn't even have a phone as he was in the military and the barracks those days had one pay phone.  I think that we got to know each other much better this way.

We married when I was 21 and I left home to go live with him.  That was in 1990.  We have had a really good life - neither one of us is easy to live with but we have made it work.  It seemed however that in the past few years we have moved more into the routine and lost a lot of the spark.  I think that is mostly my fault.  With raising a family, working full time and trying to stay out of debt I wasn't paying as much attention to our relationship.  It was there, it was good, but it wasn't great.

Now the relationship isn't all sex - but sex certainly makes the relationship stronger (and more fun).  So I came up with this resolution.  This resolution is mine because although it impacts both me and my husband I am only directly changing my behavior.

So Why?


  1. I want to physically show my husband that I love him.
  2. I want my husband to be happy, sex makes him very happy!
  3. I want my husband to feel loved, to feel accepted and more importantly to never feel rejected.
  4. I want my husband to think he is married to the very best wife in the world.  I know I am not - but I want him to feel that way.
  5. I never want my husband to envy another persons marriage or sex life.
  6. I want my husband to always feel comfortable in asking me to meet his needs.  
  7. I want to meet every need he has 
  8. I want to fully live up to my marital obligations

Reading this you might think that I am an all about 'him' person - and I am not.  I expect a lot from him as well but that is not why I made this resolution.  He has always driven our sex life and I knew that I need to stop taking that for granted.  I am fine with letting him take the lead, I just need to make sure that if I am asking him to take the lead that I am willing to follow.  It isn't fair to make him initiate only to shut him down. That last sentence is probably the huge driving factor in this.

I would sit back sometimes in the old days of saying 'no' and worry about what would happen if one of my 'nos' would send him over the edge and make him stop asking.  I would be devastated by that.  So that led me to never saying no.

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Monday, May 14, 2012

More miss than hit

So my drive has been pretty high this month and unfortunately it is being wasted as assorted things are getting in the way.  Last night for example I was on call to support an important demo, my shift was to end at 10 pm but two issues came in and I was working until 4:30.  I was exhausted but even as I laid there I thought seriously about waking my husband up, in the end sleep won out.

What did I learn from this - that I wasted a good - no a great opportunity yesterday.  For Mother's day this year I asked that everyone in the house pitch in and really give the backyard a makeover.  Our back yard is wooded and we have a pool, patio, deck, chicken coup, trampoline, shed, three play structures, fire pit, garden and two rabbit hutches.  It can get very messy but after some hard work yesterday it looks gorgeous now.  All the kids helped in the morning but by about 3:30 my husband and I were left alone out there.  Our back yard is quite secluded so there is privacy.  I was in my suit as it was quite hot and while we were cleaning we would take little dips in the pool to cool off.  I was putting something under the picnic table when my husband came up behind me and made himself comfortable.  We had a little moment but didn't pursue anything else.  I think we both fully expected to get to business later after a great dinner with my brother's family.  Well looking back we should have taken the time right there.  It would have had to have been a quickie but how exciting to steal that moment, especially since I now know how the night ended.

So on my schedule is to catch him in the backyard sometime soon - preferably before the mosquitos take over!

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Thursday, May 10, 2012

Don't Ask Just Tell

My husband's favorite question is "Do you want me to fuck you?"   This is his way of asking permission if he isn't feeling the vibe from me.  Like if I am totally asleep, or it is in the middle of the day and there are assorted children running around.  Or if I am working or just annoyed at life.

Last night I watched my brother's kids so that he and his wife could go to the hockey game (Caps won!!).  So I got home fairly late and my husband was already asleep.  I had to get up by 5:00 this morning to get my 9 year old to school by 5:45 for an extended day field trip.  I was home by 6:00 and got breakfast and lunch for my daughter as she got off to school.  By 6:30 I was back in bed and asleep - just exhausted.

At 7:10 my husband, fresh out of the shower asked his favorite question.  I think I rolled over and mumbled something, I looked up at him and he had this crazy grin because he is starting to get that I am not going to say no.  So as he was undressing me I looked at him and said "you know sometimes you should change your approach."  He asked how and I told him that sometimes it would be good to just say "I want to fuck you".  I think that while asking what I want is good - it is really a turn on to hear that he wants me.

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Monday, May 7, 2012

Back Home

I am back after a great weekend in Pittsburgh.  This is my 3rd time in Pittsburgh for the marathon and it really is a great city.  We volunteered at the marathon expo, ran the 1/2 and ate some great food.  I highly recommend the Potine Fries at Tonic, I enjoyed these while watching the Caps beat the Rangers, so it was a win/win!  I survived the 1/2 marathon and we raised over $21,000 for Neuroblastoma research.

I arrived back home in time to tuck the little kids in bed and head out for a late night coed softball double header with my husband.  We won one and lost one and I will admit I wasn't at the top of my game because my legs pretty much hated me after making them take the 13.1 mile tour of Pittsburgh that morning.

Got home around 11 and helped my daughter finish the cake pops she was making for her team mate - a first year goalie that had a shut out last week (quite an accomplishment in lacrosse)!  Rolled into bed at 12:30 and snuggled up to my husband - who in his sleepy state poked me in the eye.  He apologized and I said "Would you like to poke me somewhere else?" In true male fashion he was ready to roll in exactly 10 seconds.  So I think I score initiating sex 1 time in May, only 9 more!

We had some new additions to the family today - and yes this is the strangest thing that I have ever received in the mail...

video



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Friday, May 4, 2012

Weekend away

I'm packing up for another weekend away - headed to Pittsburgh for the marathon.  I am running for charity.  I will miss my family and I am not trained - will likely walk a lot to avoid injury.

If you would like to learn more about the charity I run for visit www.codys-crew.org  and if you would like to sponsor us http://www.active.com/donate/CodysCrew2012/codypitt2012

Have a great weekend.

By the way I am over 10,000 hits - that is pretty exciting!

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

After 4 months

So we have had sex 49% of the days in 2012, our average is slightly down this month for two reasons, I was away for a few days and my drive just wasn't high.  Other things to note, sex on the whole has been way better, not that it was bad before but I have noted the following:  more positions, more oral (both ways - go me!) and lasting longer.  Our sex isn't rushed, we are taking our time.

Other notes, I think our relationship outside of bed has seen improvements.  These are subtle - we have been married for so long and are in a good strong happy marriage already - but my husband is more attentive and has been checking in with me more often.

Looking forward to May.  My goal is to initiate at least 10 times - yikes I better get moving.