Saturday, November 17, 2012

Something else I've learned

2012 has been a year of learning all kinds of thing about my sex life, the way things work in my marriage and in me.  It has been a ton of fun and I think well worth the time.  I also think that it is a great thing to analyze and be aware of all the factors that play into and impact my sex life.  That said I also need to be careful to keep that analysis out of the bedroom, my mind should be totally focused on the act when engaged in said act.

So - it has been a VERY slow sex week.  My husband has been very sick.  It is some sort of virus that has him hacking up crap and having uncontrollable coughing fits.  Now in our marriage this is usually me, I have terrible lungs, damaged from radiation treatments from when I had cancer.  Throw some asthma on top of that and I am often coughing up crap and having trouble breathing.  I will say that this week he has taken this to a new level, w have been drugging him at night so he can sleep.

So for me, I really want sex, but I really don't want anything to do with the coughing icky mess that is my husband.  Fortunately for me he is so sick that he is not making any advances or even hinting a little bit that he would like to give it a go.  So I am doing my best to get him the rest he needs so he feels better and can get back to satisfying his marital duties!

As I was laying in bed last night - after he had passed out, I realized that I had stumbled upon another difference between my husband's sex drive and mine.  My sex drive is not just driven by how much I want sex, it takes into account the state of my partner.  My husband on the other hand, his sex drive is not impacted by the coughing, wheezing, snotty mess that I often am.  He wants sex even when I am an absolute mess.  Now he will at times let me sleep when I need it - but that is for my benefit not his.  That is him saying 'she needs rest, I will catch up with her tomorrow' - not 'she is just too sick and it is turning me off'.

I think this is much more global than just my marriage, there are parallels here that might be interesting to explore - but I have a 5th grade science project that I have to oversee and help put the final touches on so that exploration will have to take place on another day.  For now my sick husband is snuggled up watching a movie and has a day of being catered to while he watches college football.  Hopefully there will be at least some maintenance sex tonight.

1 comment:

  1. Insightful on the differences in drive! I want sex when my partner is not around at all, at odd times of the day or night, when we've had a fight and I can't stand her. I may not want sex with HER--but I do want sex unless I'm personally very sick and not well.