So two things today. First, back in February I was new at this and it was all very exciting. I was seeing change and facing challenges. That was when I first started to see how this change was effecting my sex drive. My sex drive has always been there, but never at the same level as my husbands. I think that is because I didn't allow myself to go with it. I didn't make sex one of my priorities. If something had to go sex was expendable.
With my resolution I made sex a priority. Initially for my husband and my marriage. It has now become a priority for me. It has made me aware of my sex drive and allowed me to include that on the things in life that are important and help to bring happiness and contentment to my life.
Again I don't want to sound like a crazed sex machine, but I do think about sex several times a day. I think about when, where and how. It is totally normal to me now so it is less of the 'wow' factor I was seeing earlier in the year, this is my new norm.
I am the 'scheduler' of most things in for our family and now as I schedule I think about sex and how that will be impacted. For example on Sunday morning my husband was up early to go to a football game, everyone else was still asleep - including me. When he came in to get dressed I woke up and reminded him that I was leaving to go out of town in the afternoon and would be gone for 3 days. I suggested that he come back to bed and take care of business - which he did. I think his sex planning is really on a day to day basis. He thinks about that morning, afternoon or night. I am now making sure that we cover the bases around the rest of the schedule.
Second thing. I really think I missed the mark when I named this blog. I am not sure why it took me so long to realize it. I got my name 'Mrs. Yes' right but the blog itself - I screwed that up. You see this effort is more about saying yes than never saying no. While there are definitely days that your partner will take someone that doesn't say 'No' - what they really want is for you to say 'Yes!'
I would say that I am 99% yes and 1% not saying no. It is just more positive and exciting to say yes. To have full buy in that not only am I going to let you have me, but I am going to participate. I am going to initiate and fully commit to your needs and my needs.
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What an awesome way to look at it! It is amazing how perception changes over time. I still think you deserve an award...I am not there yet, but I hope I can look back at my journey to allow my husband to wear "his own pants" in the family and see it in such a different way. Part of that will be addressing my turning him down too often (as I know this makes him feel badly).
ReplyDeleteVery positive and very encouraging!
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DeleteI hope you have as many AHA moments as I have had in your journey. These are the little unexpected things that have really made this experience so much fun. And by the way - I think my reward is that I did this for my husband and it ends up being as much for me.
DeleteActually, you said yes many years ago when you got married. You and he just got side tracked by this, that and the other thing along the way. You've been reminding yourself over this last year of your commitment to yes.
ReplyDeleteI love this - thanks for the comment and the perspective.
DeleteVery good point, I am glad at least some women get it. Over the years of my marriage the first sign of trouble for me was the shift from 'saying yes' to 'not saying no' - believe me, husbands can very much tell the difference. Not saying no is still better than saying no of course but saying yes takes it to the level of greatness.
ReplyDeleteThanks for writing this blog, really good stuff, gives me hope and a lot to think about. I also had cancer and it has really made me focus on not living the rest of my life as mediocre - just need to get my wife on board now...