Monday, April 30, 2012

Sometimes I guess I like it lazy

Just last week I was telling you that I didn't like lazy sex, and now I have figured out that sometimes lazy sex is perfect.  Last night ended another very busy weekend. It was pretty late when we hit the bed, we talked about the weekend and joked around a bit.  I was comfortable and happy and lazy sex was perfect.

We were both tired and originally the intention was just to sleep.  I think the conversation led to wanting to be a little closer and with minimal effort we were able to do that.  Just perfect!

Still learning every day.


Saturday, April 28, 2012

About last night...

So it was a pretty busy day yesterday and we didn't crawl into bed until after midnight - which for us is fairly late on a night we stayed in.  Lights out and my husband was rubbing my back which felt really nice - but was putting me right to sleep.  As I drifted in and out I warned him.  I said "That feels really great and I love it - but it is putting me to sleep and I am pretty sure that isn't the ending you are looking for."  Guess what, he didn't stop.  He told me not to worry about it and to relax - which I did.

Now I would like to believe that this is because he absolutely without a doubt knows that he can get whatever he wants whenever he wants.  In the past if I gave the 'I'm falling asleep warning' he would immediately get down to business.  So I am calling it another step in a great direction.

As he continued to rub my back I did let him know that if I fell asleep he was welcome to wake me up.  I am pleased to report that he did wake me up, but I will say that last night he made sure it was all about me.  I finally went to sleep feeling very lucky to be married to him.

Then his chickens started freaking out at about 6:15 this morning.  We've lost 5 to foxes this month - and although they were safely in the chicken house - the fox must have been snooping around.  So I wasn't feeling so lucky to be married to my crazy chicken keeping husband this morning.  We did share a little laugh at listening to the 4 letter words being uttered by my lovely 17 year old daughter as she climbed out of bed went out back and calmed the chickens down.  Felt like payback for the countless times we had been rudely awakened by her when she was a baby.


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Today I celebrate a special anniversary...

9 years ago today I had my final chemo treatment.  At that point I was cancer free but due to the size of the tumors and the fact that my cancer was stage 3 I followed the chemo with 24 radiation treatments.

I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma in October 2002.  At the time I was a 33 year old mother of 3, including an infant son.  I actually found a small lump at the base of my neck in September 1999 but was advised by an oncologist that it was nothing to worry about.  So instead of removing it - it grew and spread.  My pregnancy probably saved my life, the more pregnant I got the bigger the lump on my neck got.  All the hormones that are active during pregnancy can really kick start cancer that is lurking in the body.

So today I celebrate the fact that I am still cancer free and I ask that if you are putting off any cancer screenings or appointments with your doctor that you schedule it today.  Not everyone can rock the bald look as well as I did.

For those that are in a battle with cancer - I pray that you are lucky like I was.  Doctors told me they could cure me but I would never run a marathon.  I have since done 2 full and 3 half marathons.  Doctors told me I would never have another child.  1 year and 10 days after my last radiation treatment I welcomed a healthy son into the world.  Always have hope.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

A spike in the drive

Not sure why, and really who cares, my sex drive was a little higher yesterday.  I think it is because with so much rain the past 3 days all of our activities were cancelled and we weren't running in 7 different directions.  I had a productive day at work, my oldest took care of his sick little brother, all baseball and lacrosse was cancelled, my husband made and cleaned up dinner.

We went to bed together with no intention of going to sleep.

It is nice to have a few weather induced days off to get back to important indoor activities.

So about last night - I was not in the mood for lazy sex, and I spoke up.  See there are certain positions that just feel lazy to me.  They feel like "I am here and I want to have sex, but I really don't want to put any effort into it".  These positions just don't do it for me for two reasons, the first I already stated, it doesn't seem to me that my husband is really into the act, this is probably 100% not true but it is what is going through my mind.  Second, they just don't hit the right spots for me.  So last night as we got into bed he was ready for lazy sex and I told him nope.  I don't want that position it really doesn't do it for me.  So I am scoring one for me on the speaking up - normally I would have just been disappointed about the choice of position.

For those of you out there shaking your heads at me because I am at 42 just speaking up realize that  I am making efforts here - so stop shaking your head and don't judge me. I am not 'all' women, I am me.  I am a woman who was raised very catholic, who lost her mother before puberty and who is finally finding her voice sexually.  I have never been a prude, I just have always let my husband lead and have always been shy about my needs and desires.  I do realize how lucky I am to have a husband that has always considered my needs and desires even if they aren't voiced.


Monday, April 23, 2012

A blah month

So here it is the 23rd and my high drive is missing in action.  Some other factor has screwed it up.  That has me wondering what happens after 'the change'.  I will need to do some research here, I am after all not that far away from needing to be ready for that.

Dreary day here - rain for the last 2 days.  Start of a new week...time to get moving.


Friday, April 20, 2012

An interesting question

So last night as we settled in to bed my husband pulled me close and said "I'm really exhausted and I could go to sleep, do you want me to fuck you?"    Last night I didn't feel the true weight of that statement.  But as I pondered it this morning I think it was pretty important.

He was seriously letting me know that he needed sleep and at the same time letting me know that he would be happy to put sleep off if I was interested in other activities. He was definitely playful when he asked, and I politely declined his offer.  We snuggled up and fell asleep.

Here is what I realized this morning.  In the past if he was tired he just went to sleep, but this time he recognized that while he wanted sleep I may have had other ideas, so he asked permission to skip sex and head straight to sleep.  This marks the first time in our marriage that this has happened.  That means that we have both taken steps to recognize that our sex life is not driven just by one of our needs and desires but by both.  This approach leaves no room for feeling rejected and that is a great thing!

Am I reading too much - possibly - but I know our marriage pretty well and I am calling it another change for the positive.

I am pretty sure that I won't get the same question tonight and if I do I will make him perform his marital duties before he gets to drift off to sleep.

Have a great weekend.


Thursday, April 19, 2012

That wasn't fun

I absolutely love being a wife and mother. I take care of my kids to a fault - starting with made to order breakfast for all of them and making sure to take time to be involved with all their events.  They know I am always there for them and that I spoil them and they know that I still expect them to be very responsible good students.

But the other day I didn't want anything to do with being a mom, I just wanted to crawl back into bed.  I woke up at 6:30 up with a nasty stomach virus.  I attempted to suck it up and get the boys off to school but eventually had to wave the white flag and have them call my brother and ask him to come over and get them off to school.  He did and even brought me some ginger ale.  I was able to crawl back into bed and stay there all day - I think I was asleep for about 18 hours.

I am so lucky that my brother lives less than 3 miles away.

That was 2 days ago and has thrown off the 'alone' time with my husband.  Fortunately he is off work today - took time off for getting his garden started and then head off for an MRI of his shoulder - poor guy is falling apart.  So he is asleep next to me now - and I think I am going to wake him up.  We have about 30 minutes before my oldest will be home from his morning class!

Have a great day...hope you get some!


Monday, April 16, 2012

I'm a lucky girl!

So I can tell you that my husband makes me crazy on a regular basis.  Why - because he doesn't do things my way (just being honest), forgets things on a regular basis and gets lost.  The other side of this is that I realize that I am not easy to live with.

This morning I sit here happy, content and thinking about how lucky I am to have him.

The good:

He has great hobbies that expose my children to all kinds of things they wouldn't get from me.  We have chickens, bees, bunnies and dogs.  He coaches baseball, football and wrestling.  He teaches them archery and how to shot a gun.

He is goofy and funny.  You never know what to expect from him.  I have seen him walk right up to a friend (male or female) in the middle of a conversation and plant a kiss on them and walk away.  His friends don't blink an eye - it is just him.  He is know far and wide for his big sloppy kisses and bear hugs.

He puts up with me, my nagging, my moods and my hobbies, sports, friends and charity work that takes me away from the family.

He is the driving factor in keeping us connected and making sure we are intimate.  He keeps it exciting and is totally unselfish.  As you all know I am taking steps to be more active in this area, but I expect he will continue to take the lead on this.  As I initiate more - he steps up his game as well - so there is no way I can catch him. I am okay with this - especially knowing how my body works these days.

So today on just 5 hours sleep, I enjoy the beautiful weather and am thankful for the wonderful man I share my life with.  As I move through month 4 of this resolution I am going to try to be more tolerant when he makes me crazy and remind myself to not sweat the small stuff.


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Back to Reality

So I am back from my mini-vacation.  I had a great time with my friends, sat on the beach, enjoyed a few happy hours and lots of laughs.  Nothing fell apart while I was gone and everyone stepped up to help with my little guys.

Things have been pretty hectic here since I got home and my husband and I have not enjoyed a lot of quality time.  Hopefully that will change tonight.  The house is clean, the little people are already tucked in, I am about to go get a glass of wine and invite the hubby to come and watch a movie with me.

I still haven't described what I have discovered about my cycle and its impact on my drive (and general mood) so that is also on the agenda this evening.

Have a good one - hopefully I will - need to get back on schedule after the time away!


Sunday, April 8, 2012

Some Time Away

Tomorrow I will be leaving for 3 days away at the beach with a friend.  This will be the first time this year that I am away by myself and I am happy that it won't be during my high drive period.  I have found that there are really three modes to my drive.

The week to 10 days following my period my drive is in neutral.  I can take it or leave it.  I may think about sex during this time but am not going to initiate it myself.

Then I hit high drive, I will initiate, I want it all the time, I think about it and anticipate it.  This lasts about 7 to 10 days.

Then I go into reverse.  I tolerate and comply but given the choice am going to pick sleep or other activities.

Then my period and start all over again.

Tonight although I am in neutral the fact that I am leaving and will be gone 3 nights I am eagerly anticipating a good send off tonight - and likely tomorrow morning.

I will miss my family - but am very excited to spend a few days away at the beach!


Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Checkpoint - after 3 months...

So we are now 3 months into 2012 and "I will never say no in 2012" is going strong.

For the specific number we are at 52%.  I expect that number to go down this month as I am away for a few days next week.

For the other parts of my hypothesis:

>> We will be more affectionate in our daily lives - True
>> My husband will be in a much better mood all the time - better mood most of the time
>> We will sleep better - True (but we aren't getting enough sleep)
>> We will lose weight - Nope
>> We will be healthier - not sure how to measure this
>> We will have more energy - NOOOO

There are also things that weren't part of my hypothesis that I have learned.  My cycle is directly tied to my drive  If my husband and I are aware of this we can take advantage of the high times and work harder in the low times.  This month has shown me making more of an effort to take the lead and direct some of the activity, this is also a big hit.

Goals for this month - track the high and low as a team (with my husband) so we can both understand better. Make some adjustments to our schedule so that we are getting the extra sleep we both need.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Another important discovery

During my 'down' time I am more likely to be interested in sex in the morning.  That makes sense to me as I am usually pretty tired by the time I get the kids in bed and get my work done.

Now that I am aware of this lower drive I am noticing that this hormonal change impacts much more than just my sex drive.  It creeps ever so slightly into the rest of my life.  I am a little more cranky and a little less patient.  Basically it sucks.

I have added in more exercise to try to balance things a bit.  I am also trying to get more sleep.  Hopefully I can do some things to counteract this dismal trend.

In other news - basketball officially ended this week, and baseball started yesterday.  It is the first year since he was 5 that my oldest isn't playing.  He is however coaching a team with one of his former coaches and he bought an Orioles partial season ticket plan.  He is finding that some parts of growing up stink but being able to coach and spend hard earned money on things you love is pretty cool.