A little background info - one of my biggest pet peeves is when my husband and I are watching tv together in bed and he decided it is time for bed and he turns the tv off without asking if I am done watching. I just want him to ask - geez it isn't that hard. I have had this conversation with him more times than I can count - he just doesn't get it. I do understand that this is my issue -but I hate not being asked, it is like going to the kitchen without asking if the other person wants anything it is just rude.
So of course this happened last night - and the normal me - would have shut down right away. Here is where I get a pat on the head - I didn't shut down. I told myself - he didn't do it to be rude - he did it because he wants to have some undistracted alone time with me. And I was able to forget the incident and relax. So all is good there.
Now this morning is when I realized something that made me feel like crap. The old me would have turned my back - literally to him and shut down completely. I would have put up a wall because he had annoyed me. He took the control away from my ability to watch tv and decide when I was done - so I would take the control of our sex life. I really don't like the way that sounds.
I can also turn it around and say he took control of our sex life by not acknowledging me and asking if I was ready for bed. Argh - so I have hit "over analysis" here.
I am going to celebrate the small steps I am taking. I am going to continue to look at my behavior - and his - to see where we are putting up roadblocks. Still having fun here ...
Shout out to the Caps tonight - hope they can bounce back and beat the Pens!
More than once I have said blogs are very often therapy for the blogger. You talk from the couch, we listen. Perhaps we offer some insight, perhaps not. Perhaps the therapists are as bumfuzzled as the blogger. Either way, we both share in the therapeutic experience. Sometimes we make progress, sometimes we just schedule another appointment for next time and hope for a better outcome. Writing can cause us to think deeply when done right, and those thoughts can expose things hidden in the dark to sunlight....and they begin to grow. They refuse to be stunted any longer and now we must tend to them lest they choke out the desirable growth. Don't worry about overanalyzing. I am sure later in the procees during the year, you developed a technique for finding the message hidden in the process without all the extraneous analysis angst. You just realized you wanted more consideration and respect from your husband and that you were capable of using sex a tool, or maybe even a weapon, to try to modify his behavior, which by now you know is an ineffective excerise. Distrubing revelations when you allow yourself own them through the writing. This is getting very interesting. Thanks for being so diligent with the posts.
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