Birthday party, dinner out, wrestling match, lacrosse game, playoff football and finally taking all the Christmas decorations down. What a weekend - it was a great one that ended as it should with some good quality fun SEX. Now it is up and back to work as everyone else in my house sleeps in on what is a holiday for them but not for me.
I work from home and usually have the tv on as my constant companion and background noise. I admit to watching a lot of reality shows that aren't of the highest quality - which is fine because my attention is really on my work and it doesn't take a lot of effort to follow along with these shows. On one of these fine shows (Kardashians) the long term boyfriend Scott - and Kourtney have a child together - the child sleeps with Kourtney and Scott has his own room. I believe there are many issues in this relationship and they are 'working on it' but wow - that first step of getting the child out of the bed so they can sleep together is key, even if it isn't leading to sex all the time it is important to have that time together without distractions. They have two bedrooms, have the child go to sleep in one. Then the two of them can spend some time together and then join the child in the other bed - or bring the child in with them. They don't have to stop sleeping with the child all together - they just need to carve out some time for themselves without a child in the bed.
Last night my youngest got scared by a movie, lots of tears and trouble going to sleep. He wanted to crawl in with us. I never allow that at the beginning of the night - that is time for me and my husband. I sent him to sleep with his brother and told him that I would come and get him when I go to bed. I love to sleep with my kids and make them feel safe and secure - but only after my husband and I get our time to connect. So when we did snuggle down for sleep my husband went and got him and we all got a good nights rest.
I really think the laziness that I see all over the place - with my friends, with people on blogs and message boards, in tv shows and movies - is the lack of effort to have a real connection in a relationship. Not just sex and that might be where women are turned off - it has to be more than sex. There has to be a safe place to feel secure and open with the other person - a regular time and place without distractions. My bed at night and on the rare morning where sleeping in together is an option is that place for me. And now that I have realized it I will work to preserve it.
I wonder statistically how relationships do when there are folks involved that do shift work and don't get the opportunity to spend their nights together.
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I think you are right about women being hesitant about attempting imtimacy with their husbands or SO's. They want to talk and be heard, share non-sexual touch and feel they are respected, cherished and desired for more than just their parts. They want to connect on a spiritual and emotional level as well as the physical level. They actually would prefer it in that order. Us guys are designed to be happy doing things in the reverse of that order. Sadly, once we get release, we have connected and bonded and the desire to fulfill the other half of the bargain fast fades. Something we have to work on.
ReplyDeleteI like the way you think. You have a curious mind. The shift work question is intriquing.