I have been thinking about Lent and what I can do - I'm thinking that I may have to give up treating my husband as a mind reader. That doesn't mean I always have to vocalize - that would of course be wonderful but I don't want to set myself up for failure. So any form of communication will work - now I can't think that a heavy sigh is the kind of communication I need to use. After this many years I know the signs and signals that work - and I do promise to speak up on occasion too.
What will I get out of this - less frustration and more open communication of wants and needs.
I was able to do this last night - and again this morning. So I am off to a good start.
I also like to do something as well as give something up. I will compliment my husband every day - in one way or another - and I will extend that to the kids too.
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Good show!
ReplyDeleteSomething that might help you is to silently repeat back everything he says to you, see if you have any questions about it right then, and then verbalize them. Or, conversely, if you find yourself "wondering" about anything concerning him, make yourself stop and just ask.
There's a difference between idle chatter and asking for information or direction or explanation. Remember, it's how you phrase it, as well. "Do you mind explaining that again?" works, as does "Honey, could I get your insights on _________ ?"
The one thing you shouldn't ask him (besides "Do these pants make my ass look fat?") is "What are you thinking?
Don't do that. Ever.
Because you're likely to get either a lie or the truth, and you'll probably prefer the lie. Instead, ask a proactive, open-ended question about a particular topic you wish to address. "You look like you're thinking pretty hard about something. Anything I can help with?"
Try to keep things verbal, though. Sure, you can communicate subtextually, but men love clear, concise conversations, not a mixture of words, sighs, and body language that are a minefield of potential misinterpretations.
And I applaud you for your effort. Trying to figure out what's on a woman's mind often seems an exercise in interpretive dance. In particular, you might consider sharing your arousal state with your husband unsolicited (which you might find difficult) but there's few things that drive a husband wild then to have his wife bust out with a casual "Gosh, I'm horny" every now and then. It doesn't mean you have to act on it, but letting him know would be a HUGE way to foster communication. I swear, half of the time we spend trying to read y'alls' minds is looking for that key piece of data.
For the question "Do my pant make my ass look fat" Athol as a pretty good answer. http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/2010/01/answering-do-these-pants-make-my-ass.html
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