Leap Year Date Night

My husband's coaches stipend hit the bank today - so we are head out to dinner - just the two of us.  It has been a pretty gloomy day today, and I am feeling pretty cranky, hopefully a nice quiet dinner with a few drinks is just what I need to relax.

Kids homework is done, I have no work to do tonight.  So a little relaxation is in order. Oh and Top Chef finale.

I still haven't regained that sex drive I had last month - still trying to figure out what changed.  I have a general sluggish feeling - actually had to close my eyes for a 40 minute power nap today.  I also notice that we aren't snuggling up at night - so maybe I'm not feeling the intimacy that I felt before.

I will make an extra effort tonight - add some snuggle time during Top Chef to build things up.

30

Normal Life is Exhausting

Another busy weekend filled with regional wrestling meets for the little boys, two lacrosse games and a referee clinic for my daughter, and baseball tryouts for my husband and older son (they will be coaching).  We had a great family dinner last night - lots of laughs and fun.  This weekend marked an end to the wrestling and indoor lacrosse seasons.  We start with HS Lacrosse but have a little break before baseball teams are drafted and practice starts.

How busy were we?  My husband and I were asleep by 8:30 last night.  Today starts training for the Pittsburgh Half marathon.  I work from home so I hope I can actually find time in the day for training.  The last few marathons and half marathons I have gone into with virtually no training.

Hoping to fit in just a few miles today - as it is beautiful outside.  I think that getting into an exercise program again will increase my overall energy - which will overflow into the bedroom!

I am in my early 40s and am bigger than I have ever been.  I am not grossly overweight but my body is definitely changing.  My metabolism has changed and I am working to kick it up a bit.  I hope that I can get back in shape and tone some things up.  I am blessed with good genes so hopefully I can pull this off!

Looking forward to some fun today after that great nights rest last night!.

29

Smacking my head

So last night my husband went out to have a few beers with some former students - one of which had just turned 21. He came home just as I had gotten the little boys in bed.  I was headed to go brush my teeth and he picked me up - threw me over his shoulder and headed towards the bed.

What did I do... I totally went into 'mom' mode - worried about his shoulder.  Geez, I'm not his mom - I'm his wife.  Sometimes it is so hard to switch gears.  I threw us into reverse last night.

What a moron I am.

So today - I will ask him to please throw me over his shoulder 'the good one' and take me to bed.

Thanks Jersey Shore

I was really stressed out last night - so I poured a glass of wine, got a piece of chocolate cake and turned on some Jersey Shore.  Nothing like a group of drunk idiots to make you forget your troubles.  My husband watched with me and learned a new phrase 'DTF'.

I lived at the beach for 2 summers when I was 16 and 17.  A bunch of teenagers living alone at the beach - what a great time.  Compared to Jersey Shore however we looked like amateurs.

So back to 'DTF' - this is openly asked in the bar scene.  Guy walks up to girl and says "are you DTF" or even better is when girl walks up to guy and says "I'm DTF".  My husband is not a regular watcher and was clueless here so I had to explain that it meant "Down to F*!@"

So guess who got to use that phrase last night - that's right I went Jersey Shore last night.   I now have a new signal, something I can say that lets him know.  For some reason an acronym is much easier for me.  I also came a little further out - and asked him what he wanted.  I have never done that before - and can I say he was speechless, really didn't know what to do with it.

A few more things to leave with - I will think on these things and do posts about them at some point in the future.  First - I notice that although I am still thinking about sex a lot more than I used to it is not as prevalent as it was a few weeks ago.  I wonder if that is hormonal - related to my cycle.  Think I will need to keep track and explore that possibility.  Second - I have noticed that we are taking our time with things these days.  No jumping in and getting it done.  Last night he made a move to wrap things up and I put the brakes on and led us in a different direction for a while before we sealed the deal.

28

Thinking about Lent

I have been thinking about Lent and what I can do - I'm thinking that I may have to give up treating my husband as a mind reader.  That doesn't mean I always have to vocalize - that would of course be wonderful but I don't want to set myself up for failure.  So any form of communication will work - now I can't think that a heavy sigh is the kind of communication I need to use.  After this many years I know the signs and signals that work - and I do promise to speak up on occasion too.

What will I get out of this - less frustration and more open communication of wants and needs.

I was able to do this last night - and again this morning.  So I am off to a good start.

I also like to do something as well as give something up.  I will compliment my husband every day - in one way or another - and I will extend that to the kids too.

27

Crazy thinking

So just in case you forget that I am a woman I am going to share some of my crazy backwards thinking.  Last night brought the end of a crazy busy long weekend.  Lights went out in my room after midnight - and although I really didn't want sex I was feeling pretty rejected when my husband turned over to go to sleep.

We did have sex that morning, and we were both pretty tired.  So while I didn't want to have sex, I wanted him to want to have sex.  And I was not only rejected, I was mad, and I have this crazy internal dialog going on.

I did feel better when he turned over and gave me some kisses and pulled me close to him to go to sleep.

Now I am not saying all women are crazy and backwards - but I am a little crazy and backwards when it comes to sex and I would rather blame that on being a woman than just on me.  I didn't really realize it until I started this resolution and had a chance to analyze my bedroom behavior.  I know what I want, how and when I want it.  But I also have these old fashioned thoughts that hold me back.  Recognizing them is one thing - fixing them another.  I do know that I want my husband to take charge - and 95% of the time he does.  So I just need to become more comfortable in the 5% and stop with the internal dialogs - I am the only one that can hear myself!

In all other aspects of life I have no problem with communicating my wants and needs - I seem to only have this mental block in bed.  Where of course when I don't manage to send the signals correctly I end up in my own thoughts in the dark - a recipe for frustration.

Saying no without rejecting - is it possible?

So the party on Saturday was fun - we got home at 2:00 am and then I was up and getting the boys out to wrestling by 7:00.  My husband was not feeling well so I let him sleep in and did the wrestling match solo.  The boys both did great and we were home by 1:30.  I was back out by 2:30 to coach my daughter's lacrosse game.  From there we went straight to my brothers for a great family Sunday dinner.  Home finally at 9:00 for the night.  Played a quick game of Life with the little boys and then in bed for a movie with my husband.

I made it about 10 minutes into the movie and was out.  I wasn't fully asleep - but was really having a hard time staying awake.  When the movie was over and the lights were out my husband snuggled in behind me.  I just couldn't wake up.

At this point I told him, you are welcome to help yourself, but I am so tired that I am not sure I can actively participate.  I went on to say there is a slim chance that he may be able to wake me up a bit, and I happy to let him try.  Basically I am not rejecting the idea of sex or him - I am just not able to get my body to respond.  His response was, I'm tired too, lets just go to sleep.

I plan to approach the subject with him today at some point.  I just want to make sure that the way I handled things last night was okay with him.  I don't want him to feel rejected and I also don't want him to feel like I am saying 'whatever - just get it over with'.  I know I am guilty of both in the past.  Last night it wasn't really either, it was just pure exhaustion.

Still really tired this morning - still having trouble with getting my eyes open.  I was however able to participate at some level.  After which he told me to go back to sleep and get some more rest.

So - I am thinking that I did live up to the resolution - even though there was no sex - there was no denying of advances or rejection.  I spoke up instead of using body language which I am calling another step in the right direction.

25

Snuggle Up

I've been fighting a cold for a few days - and I took some medicine last night that had me pretty drowsy.  We snuggled up nice and I felt my husband drift off to sleep.  About 5 minutes later he was awake again - and his male parts were also awake.  I was feeling very comfortable but in line with my resolution I was ready if he wanted to.  He didn't ask, I found it very cute that he took some of the blankets and put them between us down there.

If I wasn't feeling so drugged I definitely would have initiated but I really appreciated his taking my need to sleep before his needs.  We fell asleep like that.

At some point during the night I got a little warm - not sure if it was a slight fever  - but I stripped down, which led to some good morning sex.  Guess that is a given when a husband wakes up to his naked wife.

Tonight we are headed to a work party, free drinks and good food.  I work with my brother and sister so some family time thrown in.  Should be a good time.  I have offered to be the designated driver because we have early morning wrestling tomorrow which won't be fun with a hang over.   Looking forward to getting dressed up and headed out on the town...

24

Another 'AHA' moment

Thanks to one of my new friends following this blog and sharing experiences I was able to further analyze myself and come out with some new information.  There have been times when I have shared with my husband that I always enjoy sex once I am into it - the issue was that when I am tired or stressed it is hard to get my mind in the right place.

Now - I am still as tired as I used to be - in fact with all the action I am getting I am getting considerably less sleep and am possibly more tired than I used to be - but I realize now that I no longer have that issue with not being 'into' it.  What has changed.  My mindset has changed.  I don't want to sound like a sex crazed lunatic, but I am now spending my days thinking about the time I get to spend with my husband.  I am so tuned in to him and us that I am always mentally into it and ready. That is HUGE!!! Is this what it is like to be a guy?

I wake up thinking about sex with my husband - I go through my day thinking about sex with my husband.  Right after I have sex with my husband I calculate in my mind when I will get to have sex with my husband again.  It is crazy - and I love it.

Now - I have to tell you that aside from that we took what I see as another huge positive step last night.  All the kids were in bed early - even the older ones were zonked out by 10:00.  We settled in for a nice movie and my husband asked me to get a little closer so he could rub my back a bit.  Now I don't know about the rest of you - but usually this is 2 minutes of rubbing my back and then the he is trying to mount me. Last night however was very different.  He rubbed by back and that led to some very sensual touching for a good 30 minutes while we enjoyed each others touch and the rest of the movie.

When the movie ended - he turned off the television and I got scooted over to get ready, he had been patient and I assumed he was just dying to 'get it in'.  BUT he said - not yet...things stayed very relaxed and we enjoyed the touching for a bit longer.  What a treat, there was real intimacy there.

23

Oops

Well I fell asleep on Valentine's Day night.  So this morning when I heard my daughter leave for school I figured I would suggest that we make up for it this morning.  But my husband was not in bed - he was in the kitchen reading.  So I actually got up out of bed, went into the kitchen, took his book from him and said I'm sorry I fell asleep last night.

I didn't have to say any more - he was immediately interested and practically sprinted back to our room.

So this was really out of my comfort level - in fact it took me two trips into the kitchen to work up the nerve.  But I just sent him off to work with something to think about all day!

Time to get the others out of bed and ready for their day.

22 (4)

Happy Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day got off to a great start today.  My 7 year old made sure to get up early so he could give candy and lottery scratch tickets to his older brother and sister as they were getting off to school.  We got him tucked back in bed and managed a little adult Valentine's Day celebration of our own.

Seems like a good day to see how we are doing.  We are on day 35 of 2012, and we have 'connected' 21 times or 60% of the time.  This number is going to go up as January did not get off to a great start.   More than just the number I definitely see the good and the bad that goes along.

Good >> I am sleeping better, I really enjoy anticipating our alone time and even more than that I love that my husband is also anticipating it, there is more touching, I am getting more comfortable with taking the lead and that leads to less frustration.

Bad >> I am tired.  Last night we both fell asleep watching a movie.  We turned the movie off at 10:40.  We rolled over to actually go to sleep at 11:40.  While that is awesome, I am really tired this morning - but at the same time I am smiling about it - which leads to thinking about tonight - so even the bad is good!

Hope you have a great day!

21

A great cause and a great prize.

By the way - if any of you are interested - I am selling raffle tickets for a weeks vacation at a really nice resort in Williamsburg, VA for the week of June 16th - 23rd.  Comes with a round of golf for 2 at 2 different courses.  Tickets are $10.00 for 1 and 3 for $20.00. All proceeds go towards finding a cure for Neuroblastoma.  Neuroblastoma is a very deadly childhood cancer.

Send a message to events@codys-crew.org to buy tickets and check out Cody's Crew at www.codys-crew.org

I spoke up

What a great weekend.  I ran a charity poker tournament to benefit a small local charity.  Had so many friends come and play - raised money and had a fantastic time!  Yesterday was wonderful because we had no commitments - no sports.  Just a day at home and dinner with my brother's family.

And then we rolled into bed and I told my husband what I wanted.  I have been married for almost 22 years now and I have been with my husband for more than 24 years.  I have never ever - even when asked been able to find my voice when it comes to what I want.  Now it isn't like I was sitting in the directors chair giving a lot of direction here - I said one thing.  But I said it, and from his reaction - he really loved that I spoke up.

Remember I am celebrating the little accomplishments here and trying to work the good things in so they become regular (but not routine and boring).  So I think my goal will be to try to throw in some specific want at least once a week.  Most of the time I get everything I want - my husband is very generous and tuned in to what I like.    This again is going to be a challenge for me, but after seeing the reaction last night I think it is a definite win/win.

19

Busy Busy Busy

It is amazing how much we have going on right now.  My husband's wrestling team has their first match tonight and then they have 2 a week for the next 5 weeks.  My daughter's lacrosse season is getting underway.  That takes two drivers out of the mix.  Fun Fun Fun.

I am happy to report that we did get back on track on Monday, and I got to initiate.  I still crack myself up with the internal dialog that runs in my head.  The pep talk.  Not sure I will ever get past that - well unless I am a little tipsy.

Now we are facing a short break as we do once a month.  Perhaps I will update my resolution to include some sort of activity for my husband during these off days.  Not my strong suit - but I am open to the possibility.

18 (3)

Monday is back on track day

We had such a busy weekend and my husband is fighting a cold - are you hearing my excuses!  No sex since Thursday - yikes!  That means that I need to make sure there is no work, children or sleep that gets in the way.  I have my mission and I choose to accept it.

These obstacles to intimacy have been good for me to gain perspective.  We are very busy - we are working really hard - and big surprise here - we aren't perfect.  There will be nights - sometimes consecutive nights where we can't connect.  While we can work to minimize these dry spells - they are going to happen and we can't panic.

Tonight we have church class, rec wrestling, middle school wrestling, and lacrosse conditioning.  Good news is that I am pretty caught up with work and won't need to throw that into the mix.

Didn't live up to the spirit of the resolution last night

I was a little annoyed with my husband last night - I cleaned the house - he watched movies.  I did the laundry, cleaned 2 bathrooms, dusted and vacuumed, he watched movies.

It was Friday - he was tired, guess what so was I.

By the time I got in bed I wasn't feeling it.  So I turned over - while he was finishing his last movie and  I went to sleep.  I did tell myself that I wouldn't deny him if he initiated but at the same time those old signals were out there and I knew it.  I was faced away - clearly on my side of the bed - which is essential my signal for 'not open for business'.

So I know that although I didn't actually shoot him down - I made it pretty clear that I wasn't really interested.  I am a little disappointed in myself - but at the same time - he watched me work and could have helped and I feel like I am not out of line.  Give and take right...

The good life

So a little reflection about how lucky I am.  Life is hard and there are many annoyances - but I am so lucky to have healthy children, a great job, a nice house and a happy marriage.  It is easy to get off track worrying about money or stress from work.  It is important to take a look at the bigger picture and I have nothing to complain about.

So after our 2 night break my husband and I have fallen back into our new 2012 routine.  Last night we both drifted off to sleep watching a movie.  At 10:30 he asked if I just wanted to go to sleep, which was nice that he gave me the option - I of course replied no.

I think we both expected a very vanilla not much effort experience.  What we ended up with was the total opposite.  I'm smiling and blushing this morning just thinking about it.  I came out of my comfort zone a little and we had a great time.   After 21 years of marriage and 25 years together we are still exploring, learning and having fun.

We have a big weekend with 2 basketball games, a lacrosse game, a church dinner, a wrestling match and then the Super Bowl.  My oldest is away for the weekend which gives me the chance to get into his room and really clean it.  It will make the Super Bowl a little less super - but I am happy that he will get to watch it with his friends.

17

Why a two day dry spell is a good thing...

So two days of nothing - no touching, no kissing, no spooning, no sex and really no guilt.  Two weeks ago I would have thought this was a terrible thing.  Here is why today this is actually a really good thing.

I had a huge problem with one of my clients that had me working all night on Monday.  I crawled into bed at 4:30 am and was back up at 6:30.  Obviously that cut down on alone time with my husband.  Last night I was dead asleep by 10:00.  And my wonderful husband let me sleep like a baby.

So tonight, we can get back in our groove - no work - no zonked out wife!

Other good news - I am down 7 pounds - only 4 months until my 1/2 marathon >> if you are interested in helping us raise money or running check www.codys-crew.org  or find us on facebook.  We are an official charity of the Pittsburgh marathon.  You can make a donation to support us at  http://www.active.com/donate/CodysCrew2012/codypitt2012