It's 3:30 am Tuesday morning. I am still up working - hopefully only for about another hour. I have already worked 23 hours this week - I don't see a slow down in sight.
I am still going to make an effort when I crawl into bed.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Monday, January 30, 2012
More positive change
Just a quick update about another positive change. I mentioned in an earlier post that I hoped that nights without sex would still involve some form of intimacy. I am happy to report that on Friday and Sunday we were both really tired by the time we got to bed - so instead of sex we just cuddled up next to each other. Then on Saturday and Monday morning we were able to wake up together and have sex.
Let the work day begin.
15
Let the work day begin.
15
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Non Stop Weekend
There were practices, pictures, games, ice skating, movies and meets. No chance for sleeping in or cleaning the house. No chance to get any work done. I am sleepy and cranky. The kids are home from school tomorrow which will mean I get less work done - argh.
I will work until 11:00 and then get up when my husband leaves for work and start work early.
I also need to get back into exercising again. I have lung issues that flair up in winter so I do a lot less. I have a half marathon in 4 months so it is time to get moving. I hope this will help me with my energy level and crankiness as well.
I reread my last post and thought it made me sound like a 'serve my man' kind of wife. In all honesty I really enjoy taking care of my family - but I am in no way the type to be subservient to my husband. We are a team. I have good and bad points and so does he. We generally still like each other and enjoy our time together. He has always been very generous to my needs.
I see other blogs and chat groups where intimacy is a big problem in marriage and I just decided to take action that I thought would make life better - and it is working!!! Will it solve all our problems - probably not - but it will make us stronger in facing them together.
14
I will work until 11:00 and then get up when my husband leaves for work and start work early.
I also need to get back into exercising again. I have lung issues that flair up in winter so I do a lot less. I have a half marathon in 4 months so it is time to get moving. I hope this will help me with my energy level and crankiness as well.
I reread my last post and thought it made me sound like a 'serve my man' kind of wife. In all honesty I really enjoy taking care of my family - but I am in no way the type to be subservient to my husband. We are a team. I have good and bad points and so does he. We generally still like each other and enjoy our time together. He has always been very generous to my needs.
I see other blogs and chat groups where intimacy is a big problem in marriage and I just decided to take action that I thought would make life better - and it is working!!! Will it solve all our problems - probably not - but it will make us stronger in facing them together.
14
Friday, January 27, 2012
The downside
So lots of quality time these days - unfortunately by the time we head to bed it is 11:00. We are connecting every night - and I am waking up exhausted every morning. The funny thing is that I am sleeping better - just not as long as I am used to.
Because I work from home I can fit in naps sometimes. Going to bed early isn't a great option as I am not really comfortable and relaxed until all the kids are asleep. We can snuggle up earlier but I can't relax for the actual act until everyone is asleep.
The positives - I am no longer stressing about wanting sex and being nervous about initiating. There is no initiating at all anymore. This is part of our daily routine again - as it should be. Not that it is at all routine - the routine is just that there will be sex. There is no question.
I didn't realize my true motivation for the original resolution. I thought I was doing this purely for my husband. I know now that I was craving this, that I needed my husband. I needed to make this a priority. I am busy, I am tired - but the relationship with my husband in and out of bed has to be my priority.
I am still working constantly, keeping up with the house, paying the bills, taking care of 4 kids, doing volunteer and charity work. I am working to find the balance as none of the above can be ignored. I am just glad I realized that my marriage can't be ignored either.
I am in a good place right now and it just makes me giddy that it is 8:54 a.m. and I am already looking forward to crawling in bed with my husband tonight - I hope he is having the same thoughts!
12
Because I work from home I can fit in naps sometimes. Going to bed early isn't a great option as I am not really comfortable and relaxed until all the kids are asleep. We can snuggle up earlier but I can't relax for the actual act until everyone is asleep.
The positives - I am no longer stressing about wanting sex and being nervous about initiating. There is no initiating at all anymore. This is part of our daily routine again - as it should be. Not that it is at all routine - the routine is just that there will be sex. There is no question.
I didn't realize my true motivation for the original resolution. I thought I was doing this purely for my husband. I know now that I was craving this, that I needed my husband. I needed to make this a priority. I am busy, I am tired - but the relationship with my husband in and out of bed has to be my priority.
I am still working constantly, keeping up with the house, paying the bills, taking care of 4 kids, doing volunteer and charity work. I am working to find the balance as none of the above can be ignored. I am just glad I realized that my marriage can't be ignored either.
I am in a good place right now and it just makes me giddy that it is 8:54 a.m. and I am already looking forward to crawling in bed with my husband tonight - I hope he is having the same thoughts!
12
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Positive Changes
So I think I have seen 3 big changes this week.
Change One >> now that I have mentioned to my husband that I am frustrated by the lack of intimacy and sex so far this year he has stepped up to the challenge and we have connected every night since. What is great is it doesn't really feel like him initiating and me allowing it. This is mutual, we both know it is coming and it feels natural. Plus the added bonus of anticipating.
Change Two >> we don't just roll over and go to sleep. We ease into sleep. Lots of touching and intimacy.
Change Three >> clothes are staying off and when we are ready for sleep we are sharing our bed in a different way. When we were dating we both had twin beds and we would sleep all wrapped up with each other. We got married and went to a queen. For 16 years now we have been in a king - which means that we each have our own space. For the past few nights - at least for the initial falling asleep we have been right there in a twin size portion of the bed. By morning we have found our way to opposite sides of the bed - which is fine with me, but I really like the spooning as I fall asleep.
So I am happy with these changes - and interested to see how long our 'streak' goes on. I can't see this sex as being every night - although I do see the spooning as something we hopefully continue even on nights where there is no sex.
10(2)
Change One >> now that I have mentioned to my husband that I am frustrated by the lack of intimacy and sex so far this year he has stepped up to the challenge and we have connected every night since. What is great is it doesn't really feel like him initiating and me allowing it. This is mutual, we both know it is coming and it feels natural. Plus the added bonus of anticipating.
Change Two >> we don't just roll over and go to sleep. We ease into sleep. Lots of touching and intimacy.
Change Three >> clothes are staying off and when we are ready for sleep we are sharing our bed in a different way. When we were dating we both had twin beds and we would sleep all wrapped up with each other. We got married and went to a queen. For 16 years now we have been in a king - which means that we each have our own space. For the past few nights - at least for the initial falling asleep we have been right there in a twin size portion of the bed. By morning we have found our way to opposite sides of the bed - which is fine with me, but I really like the spooning as I fall asleep.
So I am happy with these changes - and interested to see how long our 'streak' goes on. I can't see this sex as being every night - although I do see the spooning as something we hopefully continue even on nights where there is no sex.
10(2)
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Balance
I have more work than I can fit into my work day - and I am struggling to find that balance. I have work to do tonight - but I am going to close up shop by 11:00 to make sure that I make time for my husband. I figure I can start the work day early tomorrow - instead of extending it into the night.
I took a few hours off today to drive a friend to her radiation treatment (one of the reasons I have to work late tonight). She has been fighting colon cancer for 5 years. She is in her early 30s. She went undiagnosed for many years because they told her she was too young for a colonoscopy. Anyone out there that is being told to ignore symptoms because they are not in the right demographic for the disease needs to see a different doctor! 9 years ago I was in the middle of my treatments for Lymphoma - it was 3 years after I first saw a doctor about the pea sized lump I found in my neck before I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. So I am a little off topic here but I just want everyone to recognize that you know your body better than any doctor and you need to push for tests when you think things aren't right.
Good night and good health!
9(2)
I took a few hours off today to drive a friend to her radiation treatment (one of the reasons I have to work late tonight). She has been fighting colon cancer for 5 years. She is in her early 30s. She went undiagnosed for many years because they told her she was too young for a colonoscopy. Anyone out there that is being told to ignore symptoms because they are not in the right demographic for the disease needs to see a different doctor! 9 years ago I was in the middle of my treatments for Lymphoma - it was 3 years after I first saw a doctor about the pea sized lump I found in my neck before I was diagnosed with stage 3 cancer. So I am a little off topic here but I just want everyone to recognize that you know your body better than any doctor and you need to push for tests when you think things aren't right.
Good night and good health!
9(2)
Monday, January 23, 2012
Keep your fingers crossed
I went out on a limb - it was really not an easy thing to do - but I was frustrated and that frustration was creeping into the rest of my life. I told my husband that I wasn't happy with our sex life and that although I at first thought it was mostly on me - I am now convinced it is both of us.
It isn't easy to talk to my husband because he is absolutely not capable of having a conversation where he reveals anything about himself. He will just sit there and hope the conversation ends and life returns to normal. He doesn't know how to argue or really express himself at all. The kicker is that he is a counselor - when he is working he is brilliant - can really reach people and get to the root of a problem. He absolutely cannot do that in his own life.
Now I knew this when I married him and 95% of the time it doesn't matter - 5% of the time it is really frustrating. I know this won't change and that is sad - but I also know that it is part of who he is - it is deeply rooted in him from his childhood. Part of marriage is accepting the other person completely and I accept that.
He promised to try harder at everything - at communication, at the little things I need, and at not getting lazy in our marriage.
I am hopeful that now that we talked (although I did the talking) things will really improve. I am glad that I found the courage to express myself and my concerns. I didn't realize how rejected I felt by the lack of intimacy. Now I need to make sure that I am delivering on my end of the bargain and not keeping things in until they reach a boiling point - I need to express my needs and also be the best wife I can.
8(2)
It isn't easy to talk to my husband because he is absolutely not capable of having a conversation where he reveals anything about himself. He will just sit there and hope the conversation ends and life returns to normal. He doesn't know how to argue or really express himself at all. The kicker is that he is a counselor - when he is working he is brilliant - can really reach people and get to the root of a problem. He absolutely cannot do that in his own life.
Now I knew this when I married him and 95% of the time it doesn't matter - 5% of the time it is really frustrating. I know this won't change and that is sad - but I also know that it is part of who he is - it is deeply rooted in him from his childhood. Part of marriage is accepting the other person completely and I accept that.
He promised to try harder at everything - at communication, at the little things I need, and at not getting lazy in our marriage.
I am hopeful that now that we talked (although I did the talking) things will really improve. I am glad that I found the courage to express myself and my concerns. I didn't realize how rejected I felt by the lack of intimacy. Now I need to make sure that I am delivering on my end of the bargain and not keeping things in until they reach a boiling point - I need to express my needs and also be the best wife I can.
8(2)
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