Tuesday, May 15, 2012


So I was reading some blogs today and looking at some discussion forums and it just really brings home how every individual and every relationship is different, and that the things that we do to make it work (or not work) differ too.  It got me thinking about my marriage and life and why I made this resolution.

I met my husband when I was 18 and just out of high school.  I grew up pretty quickly, helping to take care of my mother when she was sick and then learning to live without her.  I started drinking and sneaking out when I was 14 so by the time I was 18 I had done a lot of things most people spend their college years doing.

I was out of the party scene, working full time and in college while we dated long distance.  We were a 7 hours apart by car, and this was in the dark ages (late '80s).  We saw each other about once a month and wrote letters daily.  He didn't even have a phone as he was in the military and the barracks those days had one pay phone.  I think that we got to know each other much better this way.

We married when I was 21 and I left home to go live with him.  That was in 1990.  We have had a really good life - neither one of us is easy to live with but we have made it work.  It seemed however that in the past few years we have moved more into the routine and lost a lot of the spark.  I think that is mostly my fault.  With raising a family, working full time and trying to stay out of debt I wasn't paying as much attention to our relationship.  It was there, it was good, but it wasn't great.

Now the relationship isn't all sex - but sex certainly makes the relationship stronger (and more fun).  So I came up with this resolution.  This resolution is mine because although it impacts both me and my husband I am only directly changing my behavior.

So Why?

  1. I want to physically show my husband that I love him.
  2. I want my husband to be happy, sex makes him very happy!
  3. I want my husband to feel loved, to feel accepted and more importantly to never feel rejected.
  4. I want my husband to think he is married to the very best wife in the world.  I know I am not - but I want him to feel that way.
  5. I never want my husband to envy another persons marriage or sex life.
  6. I want my husband to always feel comfortable in asking me to meet his needs.  
  7. I want to meet every need he has 
  8. I want to fully live up to my marital obligations

Reading this you might think that I am an all about 'him' person - and I am not.  I expect a lot from him as well but that is not why I made this resolution.  He has always driven our sex life and I knew that I need to stop taking that for granted.  I am fine with letting him take the lead, I just need to make sure that if I am asking him to take the lead that I am willing to follow.  It isn't fair to make him initiate only to shut him down. That last sentence is probably the huge driving factor in this.

I would sit back sometimes in the old days of saying 'no' and worry about what would happen if one of my 'nos' would send him over the edge and make him stop asking.  I would be devastated by that.  So that led me to never saying no.



  1. Thanks for sharing... nice to get a little more background information.

  2. You have a really great attitude, and one many wives could do better to emulate. Your list goes both ways (sub in "wife" above) and if both individuals strives to meet that list I think you'd have a pretty solid foundation for physical affection and sex which is one large part of relationships.

  3. This post could be expanded into a book with the great tidbits of info and wisdom. Thx for sharing.

    1. Thanks! Would be cool to gather all the thoughts and things I learned into a book at the end of the year. Funny part is that I hate to write - picked my major in college (computer science) specifically so I could avoid writing.

  4. I love this list. I never wrote out what some of my goals or reasons were for changing my attitude toward my husband, but your list hit on just about all the things I've thought or said out loud. The response has been more than I'd ever imagined it could be. Thank you for posting this.

  5. "I want to physically show my husband that I love him."

    Your first reason is the best. If all women followed your example, there'd be a lot more happy married women, and a lot fewer divorces.

    Not that guys don't have their own things they need to work on. Just saying'.