Thursday, May 10, 2012

Don't Ask Just Tell

My husband's favorite question is "Do you want me to fuck you?"   This is his way of asking permission if he isn't feeling the vibe from me.  Like if I am totally asleep, or it is in the middle of the day and there are assorted children running around.  Or if I am working or just annoyed at life.

Last night I watched my brother's kids so that he and his wife could go to the hockey game (Caps won!!).  So I got home fairly late and my husband was already asleep.  I had to get up by 5:00 this morning to get my 9 year old to school by 5:45 for an extended day field trip.  I was home by 6:00 and got breakfast and lunch for my daughter as she got off to school.  By 6:30 I was back in bed and asleep - just exhausted.

At 7:10 my husband, fresh out of the shower asked his favorite question.  I think I rolled over and mumbled something, I looked up at him and he had this crazy grin because he is starting to get that I am not going to say no.  So as he was undressing me I looked at him and said "you know sometimes you should change your approach."  He asked how and I told him that sometimes it would be good to just say "I want to fuck you".  I think that while asking what I want is good - it is really a turn on to hear that he wants me.



  1. Excellent suggestion! Part of taking the Red Pill is encouraging your man to take the lead and be more direct with his "baser" feelings. It was clear he was interested -- you're right, he should have said so. But also remember he's trying to be considerate of your level of exhaustion, so if you really weren't feeling it and the process would be problematic, and that might make him feel worse than not having sex would. It's a delicate balance, I know -- but you seem to be dealing with it adeptly.

  2. There is a huge difference between asking and telling. I stopped saying no to my husband over a year ago, gave him carte blanche. He doesn't ask any more, he just tells me. He is considerate to how I feel does not push when needed, but there have been many times when I thought I was too tired only to find that with a little persuasion I wasn't quite as tired. I agree that it takes careful balance. But the difference in my husband, myself and our marriage has been incredible.

    BTW-thanks for sharing on this blog, I've enjoyed the posts I've read, still trying to catch up on the archives.

    1. Jacquie I agree balance is the key and I also agree on the other very important thing you touched on. A lot of times I am not in the mood - but give my husband just a minute and he can get me in the mood. I think that is true of most women, sex isn't high on the list so unfortunately for many men the answer is no. The answer should be 'see if you can get me in the mood'...if a man has any skills and knows his partner that should open the door enough so that everyone enjoys themselves. I too have seen very positive results and look forward to more to come!

  3. Every married man should read this!

    I feel the same way you do-I hate to be put on the spot like that. When he asks, I'm not ready for sex yet, and sometimes not even in the mood yet. But I don't want to say no and make him feel bad... Just need to be convinced.