Last night at 1:30 am - so technically this was December 31, 2012, I woke up with a pounding sinus headache. It was behind my left eye and it was the type of pressure that seems to shift when you move your head. At 1:45 my husband rolled over and started to make some moves on me. I had to do it - I had to respectfully decline his advances. I just told him that I had some terrible sinus pressure and asked if he could hold off for a few hours. He was fine with that.
I didn't feel any guilt, didn't feel like I rejected him, but saw the irony of having to break my resolution on the last day. I think I would have cried if I tried to suck it up and go for it.
In any case I am cashing in my one get out of jail free card and calling this resolution a massive success.
Tomorrow I will hand the computer over to my husband - direct him to the blog and let him at it! I think I may even create a user id for him so that he can comment if he wants - and I do hope he wants to. I am curious to see his take on the past year, whether he noticed any changes, does he feel the need to defend himself when I have called him out for things out here where he had no way to stand up for himself, does he have any other feedback that I missed.
Before I do all of that I will do a 'wrap up' post on the good the bad and the ugly of the year 2012!
Hope you have a safe and happy New Year's Eve celebration!
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Monday, December 31, 2012
Saturday, December 22, 2012
A good day - and it isn't even noon yet
Yesterday was a pretty hectic day. It was the last day of school before the winter break and both of my little guys had parties in their classrooms. I spent the day in the 3rd grade with my youngest doing crafts and plays and having a potluck lunch. After school we went ice skating at the outdoor rink - it was 49 but was windy and freezing. We toughed it out for 2 hours and aside from the chapped lips it was really fun.
When we got home my husband and I headed off for a goodbye dinner for some friends that are moving out of town. We got home around 9:30 and I went straight to bed. Unfortunately I didn't have the most restful of nights as one of my clients decided to deploy some new software into production prior to running their nightly payroll. This isn't my software but they called me at 1:00 am to try to figure out what they did wrong.
Disaster was averted and payroll was back on schedule by 1:30, but then at 4:00 my 8 year old had a nightmare and crawled into bed with us. At 7:45 my oldest left for class and I woke up with the sinus headache from hell. I took some medicine and crawled into my 8 year old's bed so I could get some more sleep.
Here is where the day starts to get good. I slept until 10:15. And got up to my entire family (minus my oldest who was still at class) cleaning. Yes cleaning. The bathrooms are clean, the foyer is clean, the bar and exercise rooms are clean. The carpets upstairs are done. The beds are made. What would have taken me hours to do was done in less than an hour with no bitching or nagging from me.
Everyone else is headed out to see the Hobbit this afternoon. I am headed out on my annual shopping and wrapping girls night out. This is a sleepover event. We shop and happy hour. Then we wrap, wrap and wrap. Normally we rent a hotel room and sit in the lobby of the hotel by the fire in our pajamas and laugh and wrap and drink until about 4 am. Slight change of plans this year as one of our friends has a brand new house that she is living in alone - we are headed there to take over her living room. She is not fully moved in yet so no furniture just a few women a few beers/bottle of wine, and a lot of tape and wrapping paper.
Life is good and I am taking a minute or two to appreciate all the blessings that I have.
When we got home my husband and I headed off for a goodbye dinner for some friends that are moving out of town. We got home around 9:30 and I went straight to bed. Unfortunately I didn't have the most restful of nights as one of my clients decided to deploy some new software into production prior to running their nightly payroll. This isn't my software but they called me at 1:00 am to try to figure out what they did wrong.
Disaster was averted and payroll was back on schedule by 1:30, but then at 4:00 my 8 year old had a nightmare and crawled into bed with us. At 7:45 my oldest left for class and I woke up with the sinus headache from hell. I took some medicine and crawled into my 8 year old's bed so I could get some more sleep.
Here is where the day starts to get good. I slept until 10:15. And got up to my entire family (minus my oldest who was still at class) cleaning. Yes cleaning. The bathrooms are clean, the foyer is clean, the bar and exercise rooms are clean. The carpets upstairs are done. The beds are made. What would have taken me hours to do was done in less than an hour with no bitching or nagging from me.
Everyone else is headed out to see the Hobbit this afternoon. I am headed out on my annual shopping and wrapping girls night out. This is a sleepover event. We shop and happy hour. Then we wrap, wrap and wrap. Normally we rent a hotel room and sit in the lobby of the hotel by the fire in our pajamas and laugh and wrap and drink until about 4 am. Slight change of plans this year as one of our friends has a brand new house that she is living in alone - we are headed there to take over her living room. She is not fully moved in yet so no furniture just a few women a few beers/bottle of wine, and a lot of tape and wrapping paper.
Life is good and I am taking a minute or two to appreciate all the blessings that I have.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Procrastination
I usually have some idea what I am going to write about when I sit down. Today I am just procrastinating, I should be working and just can't get into it. So I will write about whatever comes to mind.
First, I am sick, which sucks. It came on pretty quickly yesterday afternoon, sore throat and coughing that hurts my lungs. Hopefully it leaves as quickly as it arrived. I have a fun weekend planned and want to be able to enjoy it.
Second, shootings in schools. I have done my best to stay away from the coverage, not because I am not heartbroken for the victims - those that died and those that survived and their relatives, but because I know that all the media coverage leads to some other unstable person planning something that will make them famous. Publishing and glorifying this individual leads to others that would probably still hurt themselves or someone else to plan an attack like this one to be remembered for their terrible actions.
Third, sex has not been great this week. Lots of late nights for me including getting several middle of the night calls. So I am tired. My husband has a cold that makes him all snotty and which makes him slightly less desirable to me. I want to take care of him but not in that way. I didn't deny him, and he didn't ask. We also had one night where neither of us was in the mood because we had a little disagreement earlier in the day.
We did have sex this morning - I really didn't want to, I was so tired. I took night time cough medicine last night and snuggled up on my husbands chest and he rubbed my back while I fell asleep. I know he wanted sex, but I fell asleep. So this morning we had sex, but I admit to being half asleep and not making much effort. I have to wonder if that is why my husband wasn't able to finish. If I had made more effort and been more of a willing partner would he have had his happy ending. Anyway, it was a no go for him so he got into the shower, I went back to sleep. After his shower he wanted to try one more time, so we tried again, slightly more effort on my part this time, still I wasn't totally into it. Still no happy ending. So my husband thanked me for my services, and I am serious here he did say thank you, and he went to work.
As I sit here now I wonder, what part did my not saying no but not really saying yes have to do with this? I'm not a guy but I still think he was happier going off to work having tried than not. And I have to come to grips that I won't always be able to say 'YES!'.
Okay - 20 minutes until my first meeting of the day - time to get back to real life.
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First, I am sick, which sucks. It came on pretty quickly yesterday afternoon, sore throat and coughing that hurts my lungs. Hopefully it leaves as quickly as it arrived. I have a fun weekend planned and want to be able to enjoy it.
Second, shootings in schools. I have done my best to stay away from the coverage, not because I am not heartbroken for the victims - those that died and those that survived and their relatives, but because I know that all the media coverage leads to some other unstable person planning something that will make them famous. Publishing and glorifying this individual leads to others that would probably still hurt themselves or someone else to plan an attack like this one to be remembered for their terrible actions.
Third, sex has not been great this week. Lots of late nights for me including getting several middle of the night calls. So I am tired. My husband has a cold that makes him all snotty and which makes him slightly less desirable to me. I want to take care of him but not in that way. I didn't deny him, and he didn't ask. We also had one night where neither of us was in the mood because we had a little disagreement earlier in the day.
We did have sex this morning - I really didn't want to, I was so tired. I took night time cough medicine last night and snuggled up on my husbands chest and he rubbed my back while I fell asleep. I know he wanted sex, but I fell asleep. So this morning we had sex, but I admit to being half asleep and not making much effort. I have to wonder if that is why my husband wasn't able to finish. If I had made more effort and been more of a willing partner would he have had his happy ending. Anyway, it was a no go for him so he got into the shower, I went back to sleep. After his shower he wanted to try one more time, so we tried again, slightly more effort on my part this time, still I wasn't totally into it. Still no happy ending. So my husband thanked me for my services, and I am serious here he did say thank you, and he went to work.
As I sit here now I wonder, what part did my not saying no but not really saying yes have to do with this? I'm not a guy but I still think he was happier going off to work having tried than not. And I have to come to grips that I won't always be able to say 'YES!'.
Okay - 20 minutes until my first meeting of the day - time to get back to real life.
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Thursday, December 13, 2012
I may have created a monster
It took him almost the entire year but something clicked last week and I think my husband is finally really in tune to the fact that I am not saying no. There has been a ridiculous amount of action.
Thursday there was morning sex and bedtime sex. Friday there was bedtime sex. Friday into Saturday there was middle of the night sex, morning sex and bedtime sex. Sunday there was bedtime sex. Monday there was morning, noon and night sex. Tuesday there was morning sex.
Morning sex is almost a given now - we missed out on that this morning because I had a client call at 3:45 am to get help with a payroll issue. I was back in bed by 4:30 but my husband didn't try to wake me up.
He has the day off tomorrow so I am thinking there will be some daytime activity on the schedule for tomorrow. In fact I should probably go create a 'meeting' in my calendar for that right now.
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Thursday there was morning sex and bedtime sex. Friday there was bedtime sex. Friday into Saturday there was middle of the night sex, morning sex and bedtime sex. Sunday there was bedtime sex. Monday there was morning, noon and night sex. Tuesday there was morning sex.
Morning sex is almost a given now - we missed out on that this morning because I had a client call at 3:45 am to get help with a payroll issue. I was back in bed by 4:30 but my husband didn't try to wake me up.
He has the day off tomorrow so I am thinking there will be some daytime activity on the schedule for tomorrow. In fact I should probably go create a 'meeting' in my calendar for that right now.
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Monday, December 10, 2012
Because you said yes...
We have a pet rabbit that free ranges in the yard and lives in his pen at night. This rabbit decided a few weeks ago that he was not going to ever let us shut the door to his pen - when he heard or saw you coming he ran out - and that rabbit is FAST. I personally saw this rabbit chased out of our yard by a fox that came in one morning looking to feast on one of our free ranging chickens. My neighbors just love my little petting farm. We thought the rabbit could probably outrun the fox but when it didn't come back we figured he lost that race.
Well apparently he was just out exploring the woods, he showed up again this week camped out under the female rabbits pen. Our female was in heat and the male was back to get some. So we put out some hay, some food and an animal friendly trap and this morning we caught that rabbit.
I called my husband and he offered to come home and get the rabbit safely out of the trap and into the pen
He got home at 1:00 and I was in the middle of a meeting. All my meetings are tele-conferences so I put them on mute and went out to help with the rabbit.
As we came back in he followed me back to the bedroom - I'm totally lazy and often work in bed under the covers. He asked if he could get some action before heading back to work and what do you think the answer was? I said yes - and he was already standing there with his pants at his ankles, his man parts standing at attention.
I asked him why he was already ready to roll and he replied "because you said yes." It is just that easy.
And we are in for another triple play - as we had a morning session, a little afternooner and it's early and I'm not working tonight.
Well apparently he was just out exploring the woods, he showed up again this week camped out under the female rabbits pen. Our female was in heat and the male was back to get some. So we put out some hay, some food and an animal friendly trap and this morning we caught that rabbit.
I called my husband and he offered to come home and get the rabbit safely out of the trap and into the pen
He got home at 1:00 and I was in the middle of a meeting. All my meetings are tele-conferences so I put them on mute and went out to help with the rabbit.
As we came back in he followed me back to the bedroom - I'm totally lazy and often work in bed under the covers. He asked if he could get some action before heading back to work and what do you think the answer was? I said yes - and he was already standing there with his pants at his ankles, his man parts standing at attention.
I asked him why he was already ready to roll and he replied "because you said yes." It is just that easy.
And we are in for another triple play - as we had a morning session, a little afternooner and it's early and I'm not working tonight.
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Promises Promises
It has been a really busy week as my clients are getting ready for year end processing. I haven't had much time to post.
Life around here has been really good. The house is decked out for Christmas, lots of homemade gifts under the tree from the little boys. We have two trees, the traditional tree upstairs and the man tree downstairs. The man tree is in our bar and it has a garland of shotgun shells and all of the ornaments are sports related down to the Broncos Santa style hat that tops it.
Weekends have been fun as our teams are having a great football year. Our favorite college team is number 1. Notre Dame is in my blood, my parents met and married there. So that is cool to watch. Our Denver Broncos are on a roll as well, I'm a Bronco fan by marriage - my kids have been born and raised Bronco fans.
Sex has been really good as well. This morning I was inspired to write this post as it has been something that I have thought of posting before but when it happened again this morning I figured it was time.
My husband loves to tell me what he is going to do to me later. He usually approaches me somewhere in the house, pulls me in and tells me exactly what he intends to do that night. I don't think he realizes that I take that seriously and that when it doesn't happen I am disappointed because I have looked forward to it all day. Usually we don't follow through because he falls asleep - and a lot of the time it isn't his fault, if something comes up at work I have to deal with it - and if he falls asleep waiting for me I don't wake him. He would follow through if I woke him.
That happened yesterday - I got caught by a work emergency and didn't crawl into bed until 1. This time I crawled into bed naked and snuggled up. He woke right up and made good on his promise. The next morning he left for work nothing out of the ordinary. Last night after dinner he said to me "I wanted to fuck you before I went to work this morning but I didn't have enough time." He went on to say that for some reason he felt like he wanted to have sex 3 times in a day because that used to be so normal and he felt like as he got older it might become less possible - he figured 1:00 am, 7:00 am and then tonight. So I told him we could certainly set our sights on making that happen tomorrow.
Last night I was pretty tired but told him to wake me up when he came to bed. I was asleep before he came to bed and if I hadn't woken up naked I would swear that what happened in the middle of the night was a dream. I think I woke up at least partially once but when I think about it now it is more like a dream than something I participated in. Now I didn't just lie back either - what I do remember is being on all fours which would require at least some effort on my part. All is good as it was a good 'dream' so it must have also been a good experience and the best part is that I obviously went right back to sleep - no doubt with a smile on my face.
This morning at about 9:00 I heard my husband get up - brush his teeth and lock our door. I figured this was round 2 of 3 I could expect today. I was still in a sleepy state as he crawled back in bed and checked his email. I figured he would wake me when he was done. Next thing I heard was him unlocking the door, I must have fallen back asleep as it was 10:30 at this point. I didn't open my eyes - I just said "you made a promise that you were going to fuck me in the morning - lock that door and get back over here". So he did. I also took this opportunity to tell him that when he makes promises or threatens to do something to me 'later' I expect that he will follow through and when he doesn't I am disappointed.
So it is 2:19 now and I figure we will no doubt get 3 in, heck I know we are old but it is early and 4 is possible too.
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Life around here has been really good. The house is decked out for Christmas, lots of homemade gifts under the tree from the little boys. We have two trees, the traditional tree upstairs and the man tree downstairs. The man tree is in our bar and it has a garland of shotgun shells and all of the ornaments are sports related down to the Broncos Santa style hat that tops it.
Weekends have been fun as our teams are having a great football year. Our favorite college team is number 1. Notre Dame is in my blood, my parents met and married there. So that is cool to watch. Our Denver Broncos are on a roll as well, I'm a Bronco fan by marriage - my kids have been born and raised Bronco fans.
Sex has been really good as well. This morning I was inspired to write this post as it has been something that I have thought of posting before but when it happened again this morning I figured it was time.
My husband loves to tell me what he is going to do to me later. He usually approaches me somewhere in the house, pulls me in and tells me exactly what he intends to do that night. I don't think he realizes that I take that seriously and that when it doesn't happen I am disappointed because I have looked forward to it all day. Usually we don't follow through because he falls asleep - and a lot of the time it isn't his fault, if something comes up at work I have to deal with it - and if he falls asleep waiting for me I don't wake him. He would follow through if I woke him.
That happened yesterday - I got caught by a work emergency and didn't crawl into bed until 1. This time I crawled into bed naked and snuggled up. He woke right up and made good on his promise. The next morning he left for work nothing out of the ordinary. Last night after dinner he said to me "I wanted to fuck you before I went to work this morning but I didn't have enough time." He went on to say that for some reason he felt like he wanted to have sex 3 times in a day because that used to be so normal and he felt like as he got older it might become less possible - he figured 1:00 am, 7:00 am and then tonight. So I told him we could certainly set our sights on making that happen tomorrow.
Last night I was pretty tired but told him to wake me up when he came to bed. I was asleep before he came to bed and if I hadn't woken up naked I would swear that what happened in the middle of the night was a dream. I think I woke up at least partially once but when I think about it now it is more like a dream than something I participated in. Now I didn't just lie back either - what I do remember is being on all fours which would require at least some effort on my part. All is good as it was a good 'dream' so it must have also been a good experience and the best part is that I obviously went right back to sleep - no doubt with a smile on my face.
This morning at about 9:00 I heard my husband get up - brush his teeth and lock our door. I figured this was round 2 of 3 I could expect today. I was still in a sleepy state as he crawled back in bed and checked his email. I figured he would wake me when he was done. Next thing I heard was him unlocking the door, I must have fallen back asleep as it was 10:30 at this point. I didn't open my eyes - I just said "you made a promise that you were going to fuck me in the morning - lock that door and get back over here". So he did. I also took this opportunity to tell him that when he makes promises or threatens to do something to me 'later' I expect that he will follow through and when he doesn't I am disappointed.
So it is 2:19 now and I figure we will no doubt get 3 in, heck I know we are old but it is early and 4 is possible too.
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Saturday, December 1, 2012
Why...
So I am feeling a bit unmotivated today, so I figured I would do a quick post before I get off my ass and clean the house.
I was thinking a bit more about my motivation for keeping this resolution a secret. I haven't told anyone about it except anonymously here in the blog world.
Initially the official reasons were:
I was thinking a bit more about my motivation for keeping this resolution a secret. I haven't told anyone about it except anonymously here in the blog world.
Initially the official reasons were:
- If my husband knew he would be very tempted to dare me to have sex with him in some inappropriate places or situations.
- I will say that I trust my husband and he respects me - he would do this jokingly and expect me to say no, I need to make sure that this was not about how far I would go to keep the resolution and more about living up to the promises I made when I married him.
- This was a change in me and I didn't want my husband to have to change anything
- I am not sure if this holds water, but could it be that I didn't want him to feel like the pressure was on him more now to perform? Who knows what I am thinking sometimes.
I think now that there were some unofficial reasons:
- I've never actually kept a resolution for an entire year. Thinking back now I was probably subconsciously protecting myself and allowing that out if I failed.
- I did keep one resolution but it almost feels like it doesn't count because it isn't daily and it is fun - one year I resolved to get back into sports by joining teams, that was 14 years ago and I still play on various sports teams. But this isn't a constant thing that I feel like I had to work at daily.
- I think that if I told him and then there was some annoyance or disagreement I could actually use the resolution as a tool or weapon and decide to take it away.
- Wow isn't that bitchy, I'm not sure I would but that I could even think about it now is really repulsive to me. I think sex is a powerful force in a relationship and can be used as incentive and can be held back as punishment or some sort of power struggle.
- If I tell him I will never refuse him, will I feel rejected if he isn't after me all the time
- This is a thought I had yesterday while I was responding to a comment on my last post. This one is pretty scary for me because as I have said this resolution will continue for the rest of my life. So I better get some realistic expectations and be ready for 2013 and beyond.
- Its fun to have a secret
- This secret blog and my secret dedication of myself to my husband I think it makes things more exciting. This makes me feel a bit guilty and question my motivation, fortunately I am pretty good at debate and can get myself past it.
We are in the home stretch of this secret resolution, today is December 1st so only this month left. Then he gets to read - and I may even make it into a book for him. I hope that he wants to take a blog adventure with me.
I am considering what my resolution for 2013 should be - let me know if you have any ideas!
By the way I have a nice view as I sit in my nice warm house of my husband out in the cold cutting down trees and then cutting them up and clearing the debris. He really loves his chain saw - bet he doesn't know that while it scares me when he uses it - it is also quite sexy.
By the way I have a nice view as I sit in my nice warm house of my husband out in the cold cutting down trees and then cutting them up and clearing the debris. He really loves his chain saw - bet he doesn't know that while it scares me when he uses it - it is also quite sexy.
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